Written by Austin Turnip
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Topics: Obesity, Shopping

Wednesday, 7 October 2009

Fort Worth, TX - A Fort Worth couple shopping at the Stan's Club Cost Containment Warehouse store in west Fort Worth achieved what no couple had ever done before. The two of them, along with two shopping carts, successfully obstructed a 22-foot wide aisle.

Stan's Club manager David Sanderson stated that their store's architects had designed aisles that were guaranteed to be wide enough that even the most oblivious shoppers would not be able to obstruct the traffic flow of other shoppers and their carts. The architects, however, had not counted on Susan and Merrill Klein.

Dozens of frustrated shoppers found themselves stuck behind the Kleins and unable to proceed down the main aisle of Stan's Club. "Though unaware of their tactic, it was brilliant," said Mr. Sanderson.

The plus-sized couple had two carts. The Kleins stood side-by-side in the aisle, with a three-foot space between them. Rather than pushing their respective carts from behind, each of the Kleins stood beside his cart and held it at arm's length, Merrill holding his cart with his right hand while Susan held hers with her left hand. When they came to a stop to ponder where they might find bulk popsicles, they brought all shopping cart traffic to a halt.

Mr. Sanderson stated that no action will be taken to further widen the aisle. "Build a wider, obstruction-proof aisle and you'll just get a wider obstructer. Clearly, aisle width isn't the answer, education is."

Stan's Club will install traffic-flow signs instructing customers to push their carts from behind. The signs will show a silhouette of a person pulling a cart by its side, with a circle around the image and a slash through the circle.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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