Written by Andy Lam
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Topics: Jesus, Miracle

Saturday, 31 July 2004

image for Jesus Blesses Drug Use
The Son of God

Troy, NY - Not since the miracle at Lourdes has the divine spoken to mankind as directly as it did on a recent night. According to Jason Greer, a 24-year-old graduate student at the Rensselaer Polytechnic Institute, The Son of God spoke to him by name and offered him a message of hope and joy for all humanity.

"Me and some friends had decided to drop some acid," said Jason, "and go for a night hike. We were about three hours into the trip and I was just starting to peak when his dude with a beard and long hair and a robe came walking out of the woods. He was all light, which I though was pretty interesting - especially given the fact that I'm doing my grad work on omni-directional reflectors for LEDs.

"So this dude started walking toward me, and I thought at first he was a homeless guy or a mountain man or something and I was a little freaked out," continued Greer. "I called for my buds but they seemed to be stuck in some kind of slow-motion thing and I realized that I was having a vision."

According to Neil Straub, an expert of hallucinogenic drugs, visual and auditory hallucinations are not uncommon for people taking LSD (lysergic acid diethylamide), the drug Greer and his friends had ingested. "This is a very powerful mood altering drug," said Straub, "and users can expect to have the type of temporal disassociation described by Mr. Greer."

Mr. Greer said that the glowing apparition approached him silently and asked if he was high, to which he responded "yes". The glowing man then smiled and nodded and said, "That's great Jason, have a good night."

With that, the apparition walked back into the forest, time regained its natural flow and Greer's friends were standing by his side looking at the lights of Troy spread out below them. "I tried to explain to them what had happened," said Greer, "but they just laughed and went on talking about something else. It kind of pissed me off."

When they returned from the hike the next afternoon, the first thing Jason did was visit a local priest. Father John Ellis of Saint Bonaventure's Roman Catholic Church recounted his meeting with Jason. "He arrived here in a very agitated state," said Father Ellis. "He was speaking so quickly, and in such a disjointed manner that I couldn't follow what he was saying. But there was something is his eyes - a passion I guess - that made me want to hear him out."

Once Jason was able to settle down and explain what had happened, Father Ellis was moved. "It is so rare that the Lord makes visitations to us, His children. Jason Greer was among the lucky few to have gazed upon the face of Jesus Christ in person; it was also wonderful to hear that Jesus continues to be compassionate and understanding - as evidenced by his words, ‘That's great'," concluded Father Ellis.

Father Ellis is assisting Jason in compiling a complete and accurate description of the experience so that the site can be considered as a location for a shrine. Greer says that the experience of meeting Jesus on an acid trip has changed his life. "You hear about people seeing God while they're whacked out on drugs," said Greer, "I always dismissed this as the drugs talking, but now that it's happened to me, I've gotta say that I'm a believer."

Patricia A. DeAngelis, the District Attorney for Rensselaer County, was skeptical of the Jesus endorsement. "Call me a doubting Thomas if you must," said DeAngelis, "but my office is investigating charges against Mr. Greer and his accomplices. At this time, we have not determined if we will be issuing a subpoena to Jesus."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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