Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Saturday, 29 August 2009

image for George Bush's Iraqi 'Shoe Tosser' To Be Released From Prison
The size 10 Buster Brown's that 'shoe tosser' Muntadhar al-Zaidi tossed at President Bush on December 14, 2008.

BAGHDAD - The world's most famous 'shoe-tosser' Muntadhar al-Zaidi will be getting an early-release from Baghdad's infamous The Hell Hole of The Camel Prison.

Al-Zaidi is the Iraqi journalist who on December 14, 2008, tossed both his size 10 Buster Brown Shoes at President George W. Bush while he was conducting a press conference on desert sand erosion.

Mun-Mun, as his mother-in-law calls him was arrested, jailed, beaten, and sentenced to three years in the worst, nastiest, vilest, running water-less prison in the Middle East.

This morning Prison Warden Yanafi Kershifu told reporters that had assembled in the prison's Like Sands Through The Hour Glass Room that the the 30-year-old al-Zaidi is being released early because he is such a model prison.

Warden Kershifu added that while in prison al-Zaidi, whom the other prisoners nicknamed Nike spent most of his time modeling prison clothes items such as prison shirts, prison pants, prison boxer shorts, and prison balls and chains.

Since his incarceration Nike was twice named "The Prettiest Prisoner Model of The Month." Word on the dirt streets of Baghdad is that he has since sold both award plaques on eBay for 8,000 rubiconicas which is the equivalent of 12 cents in U.S. money.

The president of the convicts union, Badsansiya Fumaraku said that Munty as the prison's chief cook calls him, was so well liked by the prisoners and guards as well that they voted to name the new prison rec room The Muntadhar "Nike" al-Zaidi Recreational Room and Camel Hump Lounge.

Al-Zaidi was also given special privileges like getting two extra morsels of corn for breakfast, a fresh desert sand flea salad for dinner, and an Oreo Cookie (minus the white cream filling) as a midnight snack.

And because Nike never did stupid 'inmate' things like talk back to the guards, make fun of the guards silly ass hats, or spit on the guards while calling them 'sons-of-camel bitches' he was excused from having to mop the prison's cafeteria floor, which can really be a royal bitch and a half since it is a dirt floor!

He was also told by Warden Kershifu personally that he did not have to help wash all of the 47 prison camels on Saturdays like all of the other prisoners do.

Al-Zaidi's attorney Manuel Yazicoc informed CNN's Wolf Blitzer that his client will be released on September 14, 2009. He is being released through the diligent work of Iraqi Senator Yolitushi "Betty" Famfamfask who from the very beginning was the politician who spearheaded the 'Release Mun Mun Now!' drive. [EDITOR'S NOTE: Actually the name of the drive was the 'Release Mun Mun Now' minus the exclamation point (!) as they did not really want to offend anyone anymore than they had already been offended.]

Iraqi Judge Takahump "Cream Puff Daddy" Sha Na Na who has said that he will definitely grant the appeal stated that there will be three stipulations that Mr. al-Zaidi must adhere to. Firstly, he will not be allowed to ever enter any shoe store in Iraq for whatever reason.

Secondly, he must always walk around barefooted 24/7, no exceptions.

And thirdly, he will have a very strict restraining order that clearly states that he will not be allowed within 50 feet of a pair of shoes; 20 feet if said shoes are of the flip-flop persuasion.

When al-Zaidi tossed his size ten shoes at President George Bush he shouted out the words "This is a farewell kiss from the Iraqi people you dog!"

Judge Sha Na Na has informed al-Zaidi's attorney that part of his early release agreement will be that Munty will have to write the line, "I will never again ever utter the phrase 'this is a farewell kiss from the Iraqi people you dog' a total of 100 times each and every day."

The hand-written list (in pencil or black ink only) will then be emailed to his office where it will be verified, categorized, and filed in Muntadhar al-Zaidi's personal 'ex-con' file.

The judge emphasized that any violation will result in Mr. al-Zaidi immediately being remanded back to prison and placed in solitary confinement. He added that in the event that he is returned to prison for violating his release conditions the arrogant stipulation-violating bast*rd will lose all previously-allowed privileges including his Oreo Cookie midnight snack.


SIDENOTE: President Bush was interviewed in his Dallas double-wide trailer by Anderson Cooper and asked what he thought about his 'shoe tosser' buddy getting an 'early release' from prison. Bush grinned, took a sip from his Big Red Soda, which is bottled in Waco and said, "Well Andy, I am shocked that the Iraqi government has decided to let that Montana al-Zebra fella out. I guess those Iraqi sumbitch leaders just ain't as politically gifted or knowledgeable of the factual facts or ideal ideas as the wonderful good-lookin' sumbitch ex-president sitting in front of you, huh Alex?"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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