Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Monday, 31 August 2009

image for Lisa Marie Presley in PlayGuy Spread
Liza Marie Presley relaxing in her Hollywood Hills swimming pool (photo courtesy of Fu Fu LaChance).

CHICAGO - The daughter of Elvis Presley the undisputed King of Rock and Roll, Lisa Marie Presley has just informed CNN's Larry King that she has agreed to appear in a seven page nude layout in the October issue of PlayGuy Magazine.

Presley said that she was first approached back in March but she turned them down saying that she was kind of on the shy side, unlike her mother Priscilla Presley, or her mom's close friends Pamela Anderson, Sharon Stone, or Cher.

Lisa Marie confided to the evening talk show king, King that one of the reasons she did not want to pose in the nude was because she felt that some of her ex-boyfriends would look at her nude pictures and say things like, "Shit, she's been airbrushed." "That's a lie, her tits aren't anywhere near that perky." "Hey, her basement's carpet color doesn't match the color of her drapes," and "Okay now, what happened to her bikini line tattoo that says, 'Tow Away Zone?'"

No matter what, the fact remains that her ex-husband Michael Jackson did write in his autobiography entitled "Moon Walkin,' Jive Talkin.' and Bathroom Caulkin" that out of the thousands of photos he had seen of famous celebrities Lisa Marie certainly had the cutest-looking doo dahs (butterbags).

In fact one of Hollywood's leading photographers Tranquillo "Click-Click" Geografica recently confided to Entertainment Tonight's Mary Hart that Lisa Marie Presley has much prettier chumbawumbas than Nicole Kidman, Gwyneth Paltrow, Reese Witherspoon, and Renee Zellwegger.

He went on to say that Lisa Marie Presley's floaties (jigglers) look exactly like Cate Blanchetts except for the one tiny freckle just to the left of her left nipple.

Presley's hair stylist Fu Fu LaChance stated that he was instrumental in convincing Lisa Marie to agree to pose nude in PlayGuy.

He told her that she should do it to dispel the ongoing rumor stating that she had some cellulite in the region between her belly button and her woo-woo (groin goody).

LaChance also told Lisa Marie that she could take the $1.1 million that PlayGuy Magazine had offered her and put it into a fund to help provide Michael's three kids with such things as food, clothes, medicine, school supplies, and Wi Game cartridges.

Lisa Marie thought about it and said "Yeah, kind of like coddling two birds with one sturgeon." [EDITOR'S NOTE: I'm going to go out on a limb here and state that I believe that Ms. Presley meant to say, kill to birds with one stone.]

In other news. Donald Rumsfeld was reportedly seen walking around The Eskimo's Igloo Shopping Mall in Red Wing, Minnesota asking the salesclerks if they knew where the mall keeps its weapons of mass destruction.

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