Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Topics: Cuba, Fidel Castro

Tuesday, 25 August 2009

image for The Secret of Why Fidel Castro at 83, Looks So Damn Young
Fidel Castro has commented that he runs 62 miles a day.

HAVANA, Cuba - Cuban doctors who recently examined the former Cuban leader Fidel Castro, 83, are astounded as to how young Castro is looking.

Dr. Sebastiano Ranchito the Cuban surgeon general said that he has never seen el ex-presidente looking so fit and trim. He said that although Castro is 83, he has the elbows of a 73-year-old, the tongue of a 63-year-old, and the nalgas (butt) of a 53-year-old.

When the ex-leader of Cuba was interviewed by Tito Chingadera, the Cuban equivalent of Anderson Cooper, Chingadera asked him how he manages to stay looking so darn youthful.

Castro smiled as he lit up a Cuban cigar. He said that he has cut out all sugars, all starches, and all women over the age of 50.

El ex-presidente laughed and said that the secret is actually a combination of a daily exercise regimen which consists of running 62 miles a day, doing 4,000 push-ups, and standing on his head in the dark in his underwear for three hours.

When asked where he found this exercise program he replied that he saw it on a recent edition of The Oprah Winfrey Show.

Castro added that his uncle Chimayo Cilantro, who just turned 101 agreed to be his exercise partner. The ex-leader grins and discloses that since his uncle is 101, he only runs 58 miles, does 3,000 push-ups, and stands on his head for only 2 hours.

Fidel laughs and says that Uncle Chimayo does not wear underwear and hasn't worn any since the summer of 1955.

When asked if he still plays baseball on Sundays, el ex-presidente grins and replies that he certainly does. He pointed out that last Sunday his team the Havana Cigarmakers defeated the Guantanamo Bambooers 9 to 1. Castro noted that he went three for four hitting two homeruns and a triple.

Tito Chingadera asked him what position he plays and he replied that he is the designated hitter. He confessed that he loves being the DH because it allows him a lot more time to sit in the dugout and flirt with the baseball fan senoritas as well as smoke his Cuban cigars and do a little Cuban rum sipping.

In a related story. TV Guide reported that Fidel Castro had confessed to Barbara Walters that he finds OctuMom to be a very sexy-looking woman with delicious baby-bearing hips. He asked Walters if she could get him a photo of her in her ninth month of pregnancy showing her gigantic-as-Guantanamo Bay belly.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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