Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Wednesday, 19 August 2009

image for Brett Favre Banned From Green Bay
Brett Favre warming up before the Vikings-Jets pre-season game, note the new Viking's uniform colors.

GREEN BAY - The city council of Green Bay, Wisconsin has just voted 6 to 0 to ban ex-Packers quarterback and now Minnesota Vikings quarterback Brett Favre from entering the Green Bay city limits.

Council member Harv Hatchatubby said that there is so much resentment, animosity, and downright hatred towards Mr. Favre that they had no other recourse but to keep him out of Green Bay for his own safety.

Councilman Joshua Ashtabula remarked that his little 8-year-old boy Jimbo handed him his 17 Brett Favre football cards and told him to place them all on eBay.

Ashtabula added that he also taken his 10-year-old daughter Packita's (named in honor of the Packers) autographed 8 by 10 glossy of Favre and torn it into 64 pieces.

When asked if that wasn't kind of a mean thing to do to his own daughter he replied, "Hell no. Little Packita gave me the photo at the dinner table as we were eating her favorite cheese enchiladas and she asked me to please tear up the asshole's photo (her words)."

Ashtabula added, "And let me say here and now, that I have never ever heard my sweet little 10-year-old daughter Packita cuss not even when her little dog Fluffy ate her Hannah Montana CD."

The councilman said that the bitterness, wrath, and outrage within his family for Brett Favre went so far that his own mother, 87-year-old Cherubina Ashtabula, went to her bedroom and took her Brett Favre Football Helmet Nightstand Lamp and told him to take it outside.

She then handed him her Brett Favre autographed baseball bat and told him to beat the sh*t out of it. Yes her BF baseball bat, nowadays with sports figures it is all about the effin' money.

The councilman says that out of all of his family members his wife Candice is without a doubt the most fanatic and that there is no way in hell she will be parting with any of her Brett Favre collection.

Councilman Ashtabula said that his little woman is probably the number one Brett Favre fan in the state of Wisconsin.

She has all kinds of Brett Favre sports items and memorabilia from a pair of BF autographed practice pants to a BF autographed crotch cup.

She also owns what is probably the biggest and most extensive Brett Favre football helmet collection in the entire United States.

At last count Candice owned a total of 328 Brett Favre football helmets, including 13 that he had actually worn in regulation NFL games.

Ashtabula said that last year he had to add on another room in the back of the house just to house his wife's Brett Favre football helmet collection.

He states that last November, Mrs. Ashtabula was interviewed by Katie Couric and she asked her which of all of her 328 Brett Favre football helmets was her favorite.

Candice replied that it was the last one she had collected. She said that Brett Favre actually came over to their house two years ago on a Saturday before their game against the Dallas Cowboys and personally handed her the game helmet he had worn the week before when the Packers had beaten the San Francisco 49ers 49 to 48.

Candice Ashtabula gleamed with pride as she said that Favre had even kissed the helmet for her and even kissed her on the left side of her neck, leaving a little bit of a hickey.

When Favre left she smiled and told her husband that it was without a doubt the best $172 she had ever spent.

When Councilman Harv Hatchatubby was asked that if the city council had voted to ban Brett Favre from entering Green Bay what were they going to do when the Minnesota Vikings come to town to play The Green Bay Pakcers.

Hatchatbubby grinned and said that they had already made arrangements for The Green Bay Packers and the Minnesota Vikings to play their game down in Sheboygan, Wisconsin at The Millard Fillmore High School Stadium.

He said that even though the high school stadium can only accommodate about 1,200 fans, the NFL has made arrangements to bring in an additional 40,000 folding chairs to accommodate the crowd.

SIDENOTE: The NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell does not like the fact that the city of Green Bay has banned one of his players from entering the city to play in a scheduled NFL football game. He is looking into the possibility of perhaps the NFL paying the city of Green Bay an 'entry fee' of $100,000 to wave the banning of Brett Favre for this one game at least.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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