Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Saturday, 22 August 2009

image for Taylor Swift and Joe Jonas To Star In Remake of "Coal Miner's Daughter"
Loretta Lynn's grandfather Cornelius Lynn who taught her how to play the guitar, sit like a lady, and make moonshine

HOLLYWOOD - Free Spirited Flamboyant Films has announced that Taylor Swift and Joe Jonas will be starring as Loretta Lynn and Doolittle Lynn in the remake of the 1980 country music film Coal Miner's Daughter which starred Sissy Spacek and Tommy Lee Jones.

Taylor said that her and Joe visited Butcher Holler, Kentucky where Loretta lived. Taylor said that she was amazed at all the moonshine stills that were literally sitting all over the place. She was also taken back by the fact that a lot of the backwoods folks had no earthly idea who she and Joe (Jonas) were.

Jonas said that at first the Kentucky people figured that they were just a couple of persistent (and lost) as heck Jehovah's Witnesses.

The two young celebrities then traveled down to Cumberland County, which is located on the Kentucky-Tennessee border. They went way back into the backwoods and visited the one-room mountain shack of Pardell and Emily Flora Yazoo.

Pardell is a self-employed moonshiner and Emily Flora says that she works at poppin' out 'younguns.'

Jonas said that The Yazoo's live way up on a mountaintop about 52 miles from the nearest highway or person.

The Yazoo's have 17 children. see The 17 Yazoo Kids of Cumberland County, Kentucky The eldest is a boy named Aurora and the second oldest is a girl named Wilmer. When Pardell Bob was asked why they would name a boy Aurora and a girl Wilmer he replied "Beats the squirrel shit out of me, I guess you just best better goes and ask my 'wife lady.'"

When Emily Flora was asked why she named her son Aurora and her daughter Wilmer she replied that ever since she was a little 'youngun' of four, she just liked the names and she really had no idea if they was (her word) boys' names or girls' names. She smiled and said that she just reckoned (her word) that she had a 50/50 chance.

Taylor said that Emily Flora fixed her and Joe a plate of possum inners, barbecued okra, fried squirrel nuts, mouthwaterin' chicken beak biscuits, and mama woodchuck mouth.

After they finished it all up and had themselves a second helpin' they both thanked Emily Flora and Pardel for their wonderul hospitality. They said that they had to get back to Beverly Hills. Pardell's ears perked up and he said, "Hey, so y'all's hill folk to. Well by crackies if that ain't a dad gum kick in the sweaty butt of my britches!"

SIDENOTE: Taylor said that she wanted for Pardell and Emily Flora to fly to Hollywood and portray her parents in the movie. Emily Flora declined because she said that she had never been in a car and she was afraid that once she got in she may not be able to get out. Pardell said that he didn't want to get in a car either cause he once heard tell that there ain't no-wheres to spit your tabacky juice.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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