Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Monday, 17 August 2009

image for Joan Rivers, 67, Gets A Tramp Stamp Tattoo
Joan Rivers getting her tramp stamp tattoo.

BROOKLYN - The undisputed 'Queen of Comedy' (just ask her) Joan Rivers has done what Las Vegas odds-makers bet 10 to 1 she would never do. "Collagen" Joan has gotten herself a 'tramp stamp' tattoo.

The four inch tall tattoo is a caricature of a Jewish bagel holding a microphone and uttering the words, "Hey sailor, ya wanna see my cousin Shoshana's muffin?"

Joan was asked what would possess a 76-year-old woman to get a tattoo and especially a tramp stamp tattoo. Joan did not miss a beat and said that the reason she got a tattoo on her lower back (tramp stamp) was because she lost a bet with her dear daughter Melissa.

Joan said that Melissa told her that Dallas Cowboys quarterback Tony Romo and his actress-singer-girlfriend Jessica Simpson would break up before the start of this year's NFL football season.

Joan told her that they wouldn't and that they would probably get married sometime around Thanksgiving day. Mother and daughter made a bet. If Joan won, Melissa would pay her mom $5,000, and if Melissa won, Joan would get a bikini line tattoo.

Tony dumped Jessica on July 9, 2009, one day before her 29th birthday. So Joan said that on July 10, she went in and got a tattoo.

And although she wanted to get the tattoo on her bikini line, she could not find a tattoo artist that was willing to spend that much time that close to her, as she so explicitly put it, 'groin goody' (horse collar)."

Rivers said that she did find one individual who told her that he was willing to do the bikini line tattoo but she said that the basta*d wanted her to cover her yeast mill with aluminium foil during the tattooing procedure.

She immediately told him to go 'eff' (f) himself because one, she was not willing to pay him the $1,000 deposit he requested, and two, she was allergic to aluminium foil.

She said that her 99-year-old aunt Begonia Papowitz told her about a tattoo artist named "Tattoo Tad" who had a shop in Staten Island.

Joan contacted him and explained the situation and he said that he would do the bikini line tattoo but that a bodyguard had to be present.

Rivers assured him that she trusted him not to sexually attack her. Tad replied that she had it all wrong, he wanted the bodyguard there to make sure that Joan would not sexually attack him.

She finally ended up getting her tramp stamp tattoo at Tammy Tanya's Trailer House of Titillating Tattoos located in the Bronx for a total price of $679 including a Pork Chop dinner with ice tea.

But since Joan is Jewish, Tammy Tanya agreed to substitute Orange Duck in place of the pork chop.

Meanwhile Joan did verify the rumor that had been circulating among comedy clubs throughout America that she had gone in and had her G-spot removed. The comedy queen said that she had in fact gone in for the $17,000 medical procedure and proudly boasts that she is now 'G-spotless!'

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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