Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Thursday, 27 August 2009

image for Brazil's Amazon Rainforest Burns Completely Down
A photo of the Amazon Rainforest taken a few days before it mysteriously burned down (photo courtesy of Flora Tecolote).

MANACAPURO, Brazil - The world's leading scientists are trying to figure out how in the world Brazil's Amazon Rainforest managed to catch fire and burn completely down to the ground.

Professor Verbicarpo San Lobo of Rio De Janeiro's Amazonia A&M University said that he has been studying the Amazon Rainforest for over 40 years and he has never seen anything come remotely close to this catastrophic event.

He stated that he has ruled out mother nature and the possibility of lightning. He said that the Amazon trees have been hit by lightning hundreds of times before and nothing had ever happened because the trees were so wet from the rain that they could not catch fire and burn.

San Lobo said that the trees would just get a nauseatingly rancid smell and an obnoxiously pungent and putrid odor, much like probably what an NFL locker room must surely smell like.

The professor (and Mary Ann) [WRITER'S NOTE: Sorry, I tried, but I could not pass up the Gilligan's Island reference] was asked by a reporter for Sports Illustrated if perhaps flora or fauna may have had something to do with it.

San Lobo did mention that rumors had filtered back to him that the unmarried 47-year-old pyromaniac Tecolote sisters Flora and Fauna of neighboring Bolivia were being looked at as persons of interest by the Manacapuro Police Department.

MPD Police Chief Vernon Carapeluda checked with Twitter and they verified that at the time that the Rainforest caught fire neither sister was in Brazil or even South America for that matter.

Fauna Tecolote was up in Canada with her maternal grandmother attending The Yearly Saskatoon Founders Day Icicle-Eating Contest and Reindeer Neutering Finals.

And Flora Tecolote was in room 17 of The Lady Godiva Motel in Yuma, Arizona with a married tattoo ink salesman named Bubba Slim Chunderbock.

Professor San Lobo said that he plans to fly to Portsmouth, England and meet with Sir Spoofer Skoob, who is the world's foremost authority on things of a scientific nature.

Sir Spoofer has researched, studied, and analyzed such scientific questions as why when black widow spiders mate does the wife almost always immediately eat the husband; Is he really all that bad?

Another in depth study involved the question as to what do laughing hyenas do when they get depressed; maybe not laugh as much or perhaps just giggle a little bit?

And a third study dealt with the age old question of why exactly is it that when duck pond ducks cough one never ever sees any tiny little bubbles pop up to the lake's surface beside the little feathered darlings.

Professor San Lobo says that he recently read a very informative book on the subject of the Rainforest which was written by the highly esteemed, highly respected, and highly gifted* Sir Spoofer entitled, I Met Her On The Shifting Sands of The Kalahari Desert, And We Fell In Love In The Permanent Puddles of The Amazon Rainforest.

This explicitly graphic and graphically explicit book as well as other books by Sir Spoofer Skoob including his award winning literary compilation entitled the "Inbred Mutant Hoody Zombie Teen Stalk 'N' Slash Massacre - Parts 1-10 (Part 1)" are all available by simply going on the Internet and logging on at www.booksandbeer.mmm

* Gifts that Sir Spoofer received from his vivaciously lovely wife last Christmas include a brand new Rolex computer mouse, a 517-year-old fountain pen that once belonged to Christopher Columbus (the Christopher Columbus), season's tickets to The Manchester United F.C. Red Devils home games, and a gift certificate for a year's supply of the beverage of his choice.

The president of Brazil, Sancho Ventana plans to ask President Barack Obama for a stimulus package bailout to help buy seeds, fertilizer, insecticides, and hundreds of water hoses in order to replant the Amazon Rainforest.

President Ventana informed President Obama that the loss in tourism to the Brazilian economy alone is going to probably amount to somewhere around $65,725 just through the end of the year.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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