Written by Frankie The J
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Friday, 14 August 2009

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In Missouri it is apparently illegal to flee from a nun on the run!

INDEPENDENCE, Mo. - "God knows I was terrified of pissing off the nuns who taught me back in the day," said TheSpoof.com's Fr. Francois Dubois, S.J.

"But two Sisters of St. Francis of the Holy Eucharist convent scared the living shit out of an armed man, walking through a soybean field, when they chased after him into the woods, at about 7:00 a.m., Thursday morning," the good priest wrote.

"The sisters get all the credit for helping us arrest the guy," said an unidentified Independence Police Sgt.

The police report, obtained by Fr. Dubois, said that the nuns spotted the suspicious looking, shotgun-toting man as they looked out of their window early Thursday. The man was also "carrying boxing gloves and other stuff."

When the nuns went outside to confront the suspect who they thought was illegally hunting-or preparing to "illegally box with dairy cows, or some damned thing," the man took off running.

"The power of Christ compels you (to stop?)," screamed one 49-year-old, flip-flop wearing, ruler carrying nun who continued to chase the fleeing man (who was, no doubt, scared witless) through the soybeans, while another nun called the cops.

The cops captured and arrested the unidentified man, who was hiding in the woods nearby the convent.

He was charged with "fleeing from a crazy bitch in a black dress carrying a wooden ruler while armed with a shotgun and wearing boxing gloves," apparently a third class felony in Missouri.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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