Les Oinka, VA - UPDATE 1 - Rash Dimbrow was spotted leaving an army hospital at the Les Oinka military base today. He stated to this reporter that he had volunteered for a swine flu study. Each time he spoke he removed and replaced a large red apple from his mouth. Clad only in a pale pink, furry leather robe that smelled of bacon, Rash seemed very tired and sweaty.
"They gave me the swine flu and then they made me bob for apples. I got this one. They put this handy ring in my nose, and they make me wear this pig skin cloak. I think they saw the picture of me with an apple in my mouth and sort of got carried away. Anyway, I'm glad to be able to serve my country."
At this point, Rash got down on his hands and knees and started rooting through the grass as if to find something valuable. This continued for half an hour, before two men dressed in white coats came and got Rash, dragging him back inside the hospital.
"It's the vaccine", one of them yelled as they dragged him back inside. "It was contaminated with aspartame".
I'll be camping out on the hospital steps to see what develops next.