Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Friday, 31 July 2009

image for American Idol's Paula Abdul Wants $20 Million
Kickapoo Indian Gift-Horse-Of-A-Different-Color auditioning for this year's American Idol.

HOLLYWOOD - A spokesperson for Paula Abdul, Pansy Von Celtic says, that the American Idol judge wants a $20 million contract or she will not return to American Idol.

When Abdul was told that AI host Ryan Seacrest was only making $15 million a year, she replied, "And your pointless point is what?"

She added, that she has been told by a lot of people that she is way prettier than Ryan, and that she is a lot thinner than Randy (Jackson), smarter than Kara (DioGuardi), and that she has bigger boobs than Simon (Cowell).

Paula told Herb Bracketmill, one of the producers of American Idol that without her the show will fall in the ratings, and sponsors will cancel, kids will no longer audition, and the show's owners will have to then ask Obama for a stimulus package.

Bracketmill shook his head and said, "Ms. Abdul, with all due respect, what the hell are you talking about bitch?"

"You're a bitch Bracky!"

"True, but what the hell does that have to do with you wanting $20 million?"

"Everything."

"Look Ms. Abdul, I seriously think that maybe you may have been unknowingly inhaling some of your QVC perfume. I hate to say it but I honestly believe that your "Touchdown" yelling days are over with us."

"Look Brackster, I am talented. I design designer necklaces, rings, bracelets, earring, and IUDs for goodness sakes."

"So?"

"So?...So?...How dare you tell me so, your overweight, sidesaddle riding, female hormone ingesting twit."

"I am not overweight! I'm just kind of short for my weight."

Just then Simon Cowell walked in. "Hi Paula. Hello Tubby. How are you two doing today?"

Bracketmill ran off to his office and Paula told Simon that she wanted $20 million or she will leave the show.

"$20 million!?" Cowell shouted.

"Yes T-Shirt man, $20 million."

"Paula, are you out of your everlovin' mind. Paula, Paula, Paula, my dear you are an ex-Laker girl for goodness sakes."

"That's it Simon, don't talk to me anymore. I am tired, I am dizzy, and I am probably starting to PMS."

"Good, go on back home to The San Fernando Valley. I've already heard that they held auditions for your replacement and they have actually picked someone."

"Oh, really...who?"

"Look behind you."

"Weeeeee, it's me Paula, the greatest singer in the world who will one day make everyone forget all about Barbra Streisand, Celine Dion, and Lady GaGa."

"No! Not Tatiana Del Toro?"

"Jes Paula, it is I, Tatiana Del Toro and guess what, they are starting me out at $35,000 a jer!"

"Bitch!"

"Beach!"



And speaking of Beaches, Brazil's 2009 Miss Rio De Janeiro Beach, Margarita Rita Cuevas de Oro has been stripped of her title because of her rather unfavorable remark she made on Larry King Live in regards to Brazil nuts.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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