Peoria IL: Mandatory "End-of-Life" counseling for seniors by a state-appointed practitioner is included in House Speaker Pelosi's Health Care Reform Bill. Senior citizens will soon be receiving telephone calls from the federal government.
Telephone going: RINGY-DINGY, RINGY-DINGY
"Hello this is Joe Smith Jr, you've managed to interrupt me right in the middle of my dinner. My McDonald's Big Mac triple cheese burger with a double order of fries and a thick shake will get cold, as will the pepperoni pizza."
"Mr. Smith this is your state appointed practitioner here to help you. Don't you know that kind of food is bad for your health, as determined by left wing scientists with a political agenda? Joe you missed your mandatory consultation session, but we can do it over the phone, if you like?"
"Don't call me Joe! Besides I am 87 years old and I can eat anything I damn well please."
"Mr. Smith, I need to give you an explanation of advance care planning; advance directives; the role and responsibilities of a health care proxy; the continuum of end-of-life services and supports available; and a list of national and state-specific resources, yada, yada, yada, yada."
"Don't need any of that stuff, as I probably had it taken care of by my lawyer long before you became a government bureaucrat!"
"Mr. Smith Is Joe Smith Sr at home, by chance?"
"No, he's out chasing women!"
"Mr. Smith can I call him back later?"
"Sonny what part of @$*# you and the horse you rode in on, don't you understand? I am going to put you on the federal do not call list."