Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Wednesday, 29 July 2009

image for Led Zeppelin To Record A Christmas Album
A photo of Led Zeppelin's Christmas Album titled, "Christmas Songs From The Blimp Blokes."

LONDON - The manager of Led Zeppelin Christopher Dutchmill has stated that in lieu of going on tour, the heavy metal British band will instead record a Christmas album.

Dutchmill stated that the reason that LZ decided against going on tour was due to lead singer Robert Plant stating that he would not be able to sound like he did in the 70s.

Plant said that he had to be honest and state that he could just no longer hit the extremely high notes like he did 40 years ago.

Zeppelin guitarist Jimmy Paige said that he had to agree with his band mate Plant. Both band members said that they knew that they could still rake in millions but that it would not be fair for fans to pay to see Led Zeppelin and then end up getting a watered down version of The Cowsills.

Plant said that he had spoken with Adam Lambert about taking his place. But Lambert is already set to go on tour with Crosby, Stills, Nash, and Young as his opening act.

Jimmy Paige remarked that LZ had in fact auditioned three other singers to replace Plant.

The first was Jonathan Skeffington lead singer of the Manchester band The Ovulating Camels of The Kalahari.

Skeff did a nice job of singing and he had no problem hitting the very high notes. But his only setback is that he has a rather dangerous obsessive compulsion of building terroristic type bombs and then selling them in the Manchester underworld market.

The next singer Gavin Bristol front man for the Chichester band The Raging Female Hormones of Amy The Winehouse also did an excellent job of singing but his one draw back was his 40-plus marijuana cigarettes a day habit.

And the third individual that Led Zeppelin auditioned was an amazingly fabulous girl singer named Rainbow Middlesex, lead singer for the heavy metal band The Bosomy Bitch of North Boarhunt & The G-Spot Sluts Band.

The beautiful big-breasted 20-year-old lass has a fantastic voice and she sounds exactly like a female version of Robert Plant. The band members, including Plant, all decided that Rainbow would make the best replacement for the lead singer spot.

The only stumbling block is the fact that there is currently a warrant out for her arrest. It seems that Rainbow has recently been involved in three train robberies on The Whale Island, Portsmouth Harbour, & Stubbington Railroad.

An official for the WIPH&S Railroad said that the gang from North Boarhunt, which was led by Miss Middlesex was also wanted for bank robberies in Hardway, Bridgemary, and Funtley.

So Led Zeppelin manager Christopher Dutchmill and the band members decided to record an album of Christmas classics which Robert (Plant) would not have any trouble hitting since they are all in the middle register.

Led Zeppelin's Christmas Album is entitled:

CHRISTMAS SONGS FROM THE BLIMP BLOKES

  1. Santa Claus Isn't Coming To Town
  2. Deck The Halls And Pubs
  3. Frosty The Snow Ho
  4. Joy To The World Of Wine, Weed, And Whites
  5. Silent Night - Don't Ask, Don't Tell
  6. I Saw Mommy Doing Santa Claus
  7. Feliz Navagation
  8. Jingle Bell Rock And Roll
  9. Sarah Palin Shot At But Missed Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer
  10. I'm Dreaming Of A White Line Christmas

Led Zeppelin's Christmas album is due in stores in late November. Or it can be purchased direct from Robert Plant at www.blimpblokes.mic

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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