Written by Chamone
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Topics: America, Fat

Saturday, 25 July 2009

image for America So Fat Its Sinking
Help!

Big fat American fuckers are causing the nation to slowly sink into the ocean floor. The obesity epidemic has unbalanced the nation to such an extent that it is predicted that by 2020 the entire country will be 400ft below sea level.

Emergency teams are scrambling together an escape plan but effective evacuation for every citizen is impossible due to the fact that there are far too many fat fuckers to cope with.
To make matters worse, the fat fuckers want to bring their food with them, including jumbo hamburgers, French fries, lard sausages, lard-covered bacon pies, lard-covered lard and suchlike.

No other nations have offered to take any fatty refugees due to fears that their own countries may also sink. Holland is particularly worried about the amount of American's claiming Dutch ancestry lately.

One scientist has offered some hope. He predicts that the fat fuckers may actually be able to float once they hit the water. All the greasy food they've consumed in their fat lives may give them a protective coating to prevent water penetrating their chubby skin.

"It may be possible to just float the fuckers and, in future generations, to build homes and dwellings on top of their bellies", he said.

He points to Hawaiian people as a good source of inspiration:
"Those huge fuckers have been able to float around in the middle of the ocean for centuries without any side effects. Heck, they even managed to film Magnum Pi and episodes of Lost on top of floating Hawaiian fatties!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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