Written by Frankie The J
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Topics: France

Saturday, 25 July 2009

image for "Nuke the French" replaces "The Star Spangled Banner" as US National Anthem
Ron Paul, lead singer of Ron Paul and the Epaulets, sings "Nuke the French," the new US National Anthem

In a move that surprised no one, a joint session of the US House and Senate today approved dropping the Star Spangled Banner as the National Anthem and replacing it with Nuke the French, a song written by Frank E. Jordan, Poet Laureate of West Virginia, and sung by Ron Paul and the Epaulets. The song, sung to the tune of the oldies classic, Duke of Earl, topped the Billboard charts within 20 minutes of its Friday morning release.

A standing room only crowd packed the temporary House Chambers in the banquet room of the Hooters on K Street in Washington to hear the group sing the new national anthem. Entertainment reporters recorded the event and TheSpoof.com has obtained a partial transcript of the copyrighted lyrics, written by Jordan, 58, of Barboursville, West Virginia.

Nuke, nuke, nuke,
Nuke the French (nuke, nuke)
Nuke the French (nuke, nuke)
Nuke the French (nuke, nuke)

Unfortunately, the chorus was all that could be understood of the song due to the screaming of the fans. "Hey, that's really all you need to understand," said President Obama as he signed into law a bill requiring all entertainment and sports venues throughout the US to play the new anthem prior to commencing the activities.

"Instead of standing at attention with one's hand over one's heart, you boogie down with the beat," said Obama. "You also have to throttle any Frogs in the vicinity," he said, concluding with the three words most loved by good Americans: "It's the law!"

Ron Paul and the Epaulets began a national tour Friday. They will visit all preschools and grade schools in an effort to teach US children to hate anything French.

"Why not," asked Paul, "Even the French despise themselves. They have no reason to live and they know it." Senator Robert C. Byrd of West Virginia agreed with Paul stating, "Paris would be a world class city if it weren't for the damned French influence."

As usual, the French blustered and threatened military action against the United States, but did nothing-Again.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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