Written by Asheville Jack
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Friday, 24 July 2009

image for Police Officers running Amuck In Cambridge MA
Downtown Cambridge

Cambridge, MA - Hundreds of Cambridge police officers and Middlesex county sheriffs officers went on a rambling rampage in the quite college town of Cambridge today, upset over statements by President Obama. Following Professor Gates arrest that characterized the Cambridge Police department as "stupid," the police officers ran amuck, arms wildly waving in the air as they overturned hundreds of automobiles, including one Happy Harvard ice cream truck with the driver still inside. Most of the vehicles overturned belonged to Harvard employees, causing the local Volvo and Volkswagen dealers to hire on extra staff in anticipation of increased sales in the coming days.

"This riot is the best thing to happen to this town, economically, in years," said Mr. U.R. Stuck, general manager of Stuckey's Used Cars. "When all this settles down I will be able to afford the $47,000 per semester that Harvard charges when my daughter Lexus starts next term. Thanks to Obama she won't have to go to community college now"

Captain Horace Willpower, commander of the joint Cambridge / Harvard police fraternity association, scolded the President from atop a Harvard lamp post, saying, "we're tired of 'the man' always holding us down," and singing the old police hymn "Justice, Justice, where be Justice now."

Many of the city's police precinct centers were also set ablaze by the deranged law officers, accompanied with cries of "that'll teach 'the man' to screw with us" referring to President Obama. The fires, fanned by the dozens of news helicopters hovering above, quickly spread to the city's main fire department building which burnt to the ground.

Strangely, the only business in the down town district that escaped the conflagration undamaged was a Dunkin' Donuts restaurant, which for unknown reasons was surrounded by forty-seven police cars and seven-teen fire trucks.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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