Written by Asheville Jack
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Topics: Ronald Reagan

Tuesday, 21 July 2009

image for Strange Sounds Emanating from inside Ronald Reagan's Tomb
Ronald Regan and Frank Sinatra in better days

Even as a boy John "Radar" Kennedy's dream was to grow up and become an air traffic controller, just like his father before him. And although Radar wasn't the best of students, he studied while his fellow students partied, and in 1975 graduated from UCLA. Four years later, with the help of a family friend, Radar fulfilled his dream and became a full time air traffic controller at Los Angeles International Airport.

Life was good for Radar and his fellow highly paid ATC's. That is until President Regan fired all 11,000 ATC's nation wide in a 1981 labor dispute. Ond day, Radar thought, he would have his rvenge. After that, his spirit crushed, Radar held a number of menial jobs in the Los Angeles area until he was hired, ironically, as a custodian at the Ronald Regan Presidential Library in Semi Valley.

In his new job Radar would sweep up around the tomb of President Ronald Regan, rake up leafs and chewing gum wrappers, keeping the tomb clean for the hundreds of visitors who visited every month. But Radar wasn't happy working for the man who fired him decades earlier.

And so when no one was looking Radar would bang the end of his broom or rake handle against the wall of Regan's tomb. "Take that you little shit," he would say, "how's that for resting in peace." Or he would say with glee, "what are you going to do about it now, fire me?" One rainy day he even managed to piss against the wall of the tomb.

Then one cloudy Tuesday Radar once again intentionally pumped the end of his rake handle against the wall of the tomb. But this time before he could cuss the dead president, he heard banging coming from inside the tomb, banging like someone hitting his fist against the polished marble wall.

The first visitors to report the strange sounds coming from behind the wall of the tomb were the Merton family from nearby Carmel. "We were met with stupid, incredulous looks by the staff ," reported Dr. Leo Merton. "I've got better thing to do with my time than yank the chain of some pimply faced minimum wage teenagers," he said to the nearby grounds keeper. "I've heard it too," said the ground keeper, "voices too. It's been happening for months now, and it's coming from in there."

One day local Fox KRAP TV apprentice reporter Chip Booth heard about the sounds emanating from inside Regan's tomb, which he promptly recorded and sold for five figures to the television show Entertainment Tonight.

"Listen to this," he would later say breathlessly to Entertainment Tonight correspondent Mary Hart, "when played back at one-third speed the voice can be heard to say, "Mr. Gor..ba..chev, tear.. down.. this.. wall."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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