Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Friday, 17 July 2009

image for Lindsay Lohan Says She Is Dumping Samantha Ronson To Concentrate On Older Women
Lohan reportedly just had a tattoo with the name 'Samantha Ronson' laserly removed from her ass.

MALIBU BEACH, California - On again off again actress Lindsay Lohan has revealed to Internet Blogger Perez Hilton that she has decided to dump her ex-ex-ex "Boyfriend" Samantha Ronson again for the third or seventh time.

The hazel-eyed skinny-as-heck beauty said that she has been having some very long and serious talks with herself and she has decided that she does not need the stress, the aggravation, the frustration, and the intonation of a relationship with the extremely immature Ronson.

Lohan said that the last straw came last week, when both were at a Dairy Queen down in Ensenada, Mexico and Ronson reached over and stuck a French fry up her (Lindsay's) left nostril.

Samantha thought that it was hilarious. Lindsay did not and neither did the Dairy Queen's assistant manager, Pilar Atascosa who approached the table and told Ronson to act her age not her zapato (shoe) size.

Ronson stood up and got in Atascosa's face and said, "I am sorry, but I do not speak illegal alien, what exactly does za-pa-to mean?"

Miss Atascosa reached down, took off her left zapato and she hit Ronson with it across the right side of her face.

Atascosa then said, "Za-pa-to means shoe bee atch." Ronson immediately started crying and hollering for security.

The Dairy Queen's security guard Marcos Matagorda (Atascosa's brother-in-law) ran over and after Atascosa told him what had happened he asked her for her right zapato. Pilar handed it to Marcos and he proceeded to hit Ronson on her flat chest.

Ronson yelled that he was going to hurt her boobies and Matagorda remarked, "It's too damn late you skinny ass puta (whore), it looks like your little mofo boobies have already left the building."

Mrs. Atascosa got in Ronson's face and told her to get her skinny little nalgas (buns) and leave the restaurant. She then called another brother-in-law, Ricky Menudo and told him to drive Lohan back to the U.S.-Mexico border.

SIDENOTE: Lindsay told Perez Hilton that she thinks that Ellen DeGeneres is a real cutey. Hilton told her that Ellen is married. Lohan said shucks and asked, how about Melissa Etheridge? Married. Wanda Sykes? Married. Lohan then asked, why it is that all of the good ones are married?

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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