Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Wednesday, 15 July 2009

image for President Obama Catching Hell For Winning $358,000 on The All-Star Game
A Samsonite Overniter with the $358,000 that President Obama won on the All-Star Game (photo courtesy of Sasha Obama).

WASHINGTON, D.C. - President Barack Obama has been severely criticized for betting on the American League in Major League Baseball's 2009 All-Star Game.

The president, who is a lifelong Chicago White Sox fan won a total of $358,000 by betting on the American League to beat the National League.

When told of the uproar due to his betting, the president replied that it sure was funny that no one said a word when some years ago President Bush bet on the Texas Rangers and won $171,000.

He added that he does not recall hearing or reading a peep when President Ford bet on his old Alma Mater the University of Michigan when they upset the highly favored Great Lakes A&M 49-0 and he won $12,700.

But now that he has won $358,000 on a baseball game everyone is up in arms.

Rev. Al Sharpton quickly said that the reason everyone is upset is because the president just happens to be a brother, or to put it in Jesse Jackson's vernacular, "The prez he sho nuff be one smart black dude."

Sharpton added that it is a documented fact that 147 years ago, during the American Civil War, Mrs. Abraham Lincoln bet on The Battle of Bull Run and she won $9 (which in 2009 dollars would be the equivalent of $1.6 million). And did anyone say anything about that back then? No sir.

And back in 1912, one of President William Howard Taft's uncles, Bubba Taft bet that the HMS Titanic would hit an iceberg and sink on its maiden voyage. Uncle Bubba amazingly won $3,192 (which in 2009 dollars would be $2,458,132). Did anyone say anything? Nope.

Even Oprah Winfrey, regarded by some to be the richest woman in the world chimed in. Miss O (for Oprah not Orgasm) said, "Barack he done went and made a bet with money that he earned, unlike some American folks, of all colors, creeds, ethnic backgrounds, and gang affiliations, who make bets with welfare money, extorted money, and money earned in highly illegal ways that I ain't even gonna gets myself into."

Winfrey said that she spoke to the President personally and that he has agreed to donate the money to the United States Department of the Treasury.

Miss Winfrey said on her TV talk show, "Okay folks so now all of you goshdarn crybabies who (has) been complaining abouts my main man, the president winning the $358,000 can stop your bellyaching 'cause the money is being deposited into the United States Treasury to helps fund the thousands and thousands of stimulus packages."

Oprah cut to a commercial and when she came back she added, "And let me say that I ain't one to mince words, and I (has) been known to call a spade a spade, and I means no offense or disrespect to Eddie Murphy, Aretha Franklin, or Seal.

So having said that I just want to points out the main crybaby complainers in this here matter.

[SHE TURNS AROUND AND LOOKS TOWARDS A BIG SCREEN]

And ladies and gentlemen there they are: The first crybaby complainer be, Rush Limbaugh. The second one be, Ann Coulter. The third one be, Sean Hannity. And the fourth one be...OctuMom?

Okay I have no idea how Octy got in there, but I knows that she ain't no Barack complainer, or at least not about the president winning $358,000 anyway."

Oprah went to another commercial. And when she returned she said, "Okay, so there you have it. All the money that my good friend Brobama won has been donated to a damn good cause. And let me add that I will personally be matchin' that amount dollar for dollar.

And so let me say that I does not want to ever again hear anymore talk about my Michelle's hubby winning all that money.

So if I may, "Shut your friggin' mouth for one second and listens to me Rush, it is gone. Listens to me Ann, it is gone. And listens to me Sean, you Fred Flintstone-lookin' silly caricature of a human being, it is gone...gone like the wind. Gone like Jesse Ventura's hair, and gone like Pamela Anderson's cherry.

So I does not. And sweet mother of Aunt Jemina, let me make that perfectly clear as tuna shit. I does not ever wants to hear one more F in' word about it. Thank you and good night America and England too.

In related news. There are reportedly bets being made in Las Vegas that Winfrey has got a you-know-what.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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