Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Wednesday, 15 July 2009

image for Tatiana Del Toro Wants To Date Kevin Skinner
Tatiana Del Toro wearing a "I Love Nerds" T-Shirt that was given to her by Andy Dick.

LOS ANGELES - UPI has just announced that American Idol reject Tatiana Del Toro wants to go out on a date with America's Got Talent contestant Kevin Skinner.

Del Toro supposedly told her hair stylist, Slicky Pomade of Pomona, that she is tired of dating the left coast guys and having to fight them off every single minute of their date.

She said that last week she went out with an unemployed dog whisperer and she spent half the night grabbing his hands away from her lap of luxury (her words) and the other half learning how to sit and fetch.

Del Toro said that she did go out with Ryan Seacrest but that all he did on their date was ask her if his hair was okay, if his tie was on straight, and if she thought that his little butt made his crotch region look a little on the bulgy side.

Tatiana said that she was watching America's Got Talent when she noticed Kevin Skinner. She said that even before he started singing that she was attracted to him.

She liked his unshaven look. Del Toro said that she liked the way he wore his baseball cap backwards like some gang bangers do. She also liked the fact that his shirt was kind of wrinkled and that his socks did not match.

And when Kevin started to sing, Del Toro said that she got so excited that she just about peed on herself. She said that luckily there was a throw pillow close by.

When Kevin Skinner was told that Tatiana Del Toro wanted to go out on a date with him, he replied that he had never heard of her.

One of the producers of America's Got Talent showed him a compilation of her appearances on American Idol, during the initial auditions and during the actual life performances.

Kevin reportedly replied that there was no way that he wanted any part of that loud, boisterous, attention-starved senorita.

He added that with her shrilled voice she could stampede cattle over in the next county.

Skinner called up Del Toro's personal assistant and told her that it was nothing personal but that he would have to pass on dating her.

When Del Toro was told of Skinner's rejection her eyes got the size of ping pong balls and she said, "Waaaaaaa!"

Del Toro told her assistant to try and find out if Toby Keith is single and if he is if he would like to go out with a nice, semi-virginal Puerto Rican singing sensation who is destined to be the next Celine Dion.

Tats then added that if Toby is not available then she wants to find out about Kenny Chesney, Billy Ray Cyrus, and the lead guitar player for Rascal Flatts.

SIDENOTE: Highly reliable sources have revealed that there are two individuals who think that Tatiana Del Toro is sizzling hot. The first is Russell Brand who told his manager that he wants to get Tatty and (blank) her in her (blank) until the cows come home if not later.

The other Del Toro admirer is Sacha Baron Cohen who said that he has been dreaming of the Puerto Rican princess for months. When asked what he found attractive about her, he replied, her two freakin' (blanks), her freakin' (blank), and her luscious-looking lips of love (the upper ones).

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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