Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Wednesday, 15 July 2009

image for North Korea Secretly Planning To Invade Tennessee
The Tennessee state bird, the Red-Breasted Fockletoo Finch (NOTE: Vandals painted over the red breast).

CHATTANOOGA, Tennessee - The Tennessee Office of Tourism has intercepted an email sent to a Wi Poo Fung, owner of Wi Poo Fung's Cleaners in downtown Chattanooga, "We No Clean It Too Good - You No Pay, Okey Dokey Hokey Pokey?"

The email states that in early August three army divisions of North Korean troops will march into Tennessee and defeat the Volunteer State infidels.

No one is really sure as to why out of the fifty states, North Korea picked Tennessee to invade, unless it's because last year when the Tennessee Attorney General Weston Trucklebed, III, was vacationing in North Korea and a reporter asked him what he thought about Kim Jong Il's wife, Fufi Jong Il, he replied that she looked like the sound end of a north bound yak.

The three page email was signed with the initials, K.J.I. An initial expert Delta Longspur from Delaware was contacted by the state and she stated that the initials could be Kwan Jo Inno, Ki Ju Itsi, Katy Jill Isherwood, or Kim Jong Il.

The emails did mention the NFL Tennessee Titans by name. And it may just be a coincidence but the Titans just happen to be Kim Jong Il's favorite NFL team.

A reliable source says that the reason that he likes the Titans is because they have two North Korean players on their squad.

The Titans' punter is Ling Song Chong Bong, who is from Pyongyang, North Korea and the left defensive tackle is Woo Chang Yoko who hails from the southern port city of Tongchon, North Korea.

President Obama was asked at a news conference about this developing situation with the leader of North Korea. He laughed and said that he had always wondered who was going to step up and take funnyman Bob Hope's place.

The president then turned serious and said, "Now look, hear me out on this. For months and months Kim Jong Il has been F in' around and firin' off missiles left and right. And luckily for him (and his people) the sumbitch hasn't really hurt nuthin'.

But I want the American people to know that they can all rest assured that the North Korean army will not get anywhere near Tennessee. Not even close, because I plan on stopping their little sorry invading asses somewhere around Pismo Beach, California.

I am the president of the United States. I am a man of my word and that my recession-fightin' fellow American's is what I'm talkin' about."

In other invasion news. Australia has stated unequivocally that they are postponing their planned invasion of Outer Mongolia because of the serious nature of the kangaroo epidemic.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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