Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Friday, 12 June 2009

image for Cher's Daughter Chastity Bono To Get A Penis
What doctors say that Chastity (Chaz) Bono will look like after she has her sex change operation.

WEST HOLLYWOOD - Chastity Bono, the 40-year-old daughter of 70s icons Sonny and Cher has announced that she wants to play on the boy's team.

The daughter of one of the most popular music duos of all-time said that she will have the sexual reassignment surgery performed at Trinidad, Colorado's famed Zip-A-Dee-Doo-Da-Zip-Zip Hospital.

Bono, born Chastity Sun Bono says that she first realized that she wanted to be a boy when at the age of three, her mom, Cher gave her a Barbie Doll for Labor Day.

Chastity, or Chaz said that she remembers sticking a pinto bean in Barbie's crotch and calling 'her' Bobby. She said that her mom saw her and took the pinto bean out.

Chaz said that her mother scolded her and told her that little girls and little boys do not play with their food.

Cher confided to Larry King years later that she has not been able to eat pinto beans since. She also said that she first really realized that her little girl wanted to be a boy when she caught her outside going number one behind the bougainvilleas and her little girl was not squatting down, but standing up.

She walked over to her little daughter and told her that dainty little girls pee squatting down and they never ever pee while standing up like boys do.

Chas started crying and said that the only reason that she was standing up was because she was afraid that if she squatted down to pee that the fire ants would bite her on her little third base (little Cheerio).

Cher remarked that watching her daughter go numero uno (as they say in the Spanish-speaking countries as well as in East L.A., San Antonio, and Brooklyn) was not a pretty sight.

And in her autobiography, I'm Trying To Catch The Beat, But The Beat Keeps Goin' On she wrote about the bougainvilleas scene. "I had nightmares for seven months and four days afterwards."

Cher did admit to Oprah Winfrey some years later that Chastity standing up to do her business did make sense.

She said because she clearly remembers that one time back in the 70's while on a picnic with Sonny, Tony Orlando, Linda Ronstadt, and Three Dog Night up at Yosemite National Park she peed standing up for fear of getting her biscuit bit by a beaver. (EDITOR'S NOTE: PLEASE FEEL FREE TO TAKE AN 'IMAGINATION BREAK' IF NEEDED. THANK YOU.)

Cher recalled that whenever Chastity would sing her 1971 number one song "Gypsies, Tramps, And Thieves" that little Chastity would instead sing "CD's, Transgenders, And Lispers."

Cher said that she should have picked up on the fact that Chastity really and truly wanted her very own wiener, but at the time she was was just too busy making hits songs, performing at concerts, doing variety shows, making movies, getting dozens of tattoos, and performing her Vegas act to notice.

We tried to get a hold of Chastity to do an indept one-on-one interview but her half brother Elijah Bluebird said that she had gone downtown to The Manny Ramirez Sports Store to purchase a jock strap, a baseball cup, and a switchblade.

In a related story. Cher has dispelled the rumor that Chastity was the reason that Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson broke up the second, fourth, fifth, and seventh times.

Make Abel Rodriguez's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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