Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Topics: NBC, conan o'brien

Sunday, 7 June 2009

image for NBC Cancels The Tonight Show With Conan O'Brien
Two women standing in line to see The Tonight Show with Conan O'Brien.

LOS ANGELES - In a move that caught a lot of people by surprise, NBC has canceled The Tonight Show with Conan O'Brien after only one week.

NBC President of West Coast Operations Gregory K. Quickowitz said that the premier show had a 7.1 rating. The next shows all showed definite declines in viewership. The numbers were 5.0, 4.3, 3.8, and 3.5.

Quickowitz said that at that rate in two weeks the only people who would be watching would be Matt and Hester Sockbasket, O'Briens aunt and uncle who live in Dubuque, Iowa, and 93-year-old Bitter Creek, Wyoming insomniac Luther Gene Bokipper.

A long time Tonight Show employee said that it was truly sad to see O'Brien out in the Tonight Show parking lot begging people to come inside and see the show.

An assistant of O'Brien's who spoke on condition of anonymity said that Conan had even called several of his high school teachers asking them to please watch.

One of the teachers, Tylera Qualls of East Walpole, Massachusetts was interviewed by CNN's Wolf Blitzer and she revealed that O'Brien had offered to fly her and her 87-year-old mother out to Hollywood all expenses paid if they would just sit in the audience and laugh their bahookies (tushes) off.

Qualls said that O'Brien even said he would give them each $1,000 cash, a $500 gift certificate to Starbucks, and a 2009 Toyota Tacoma pickup.

Mrs. Qualls said that she really and truly appreciated the offer but she said that she is a die-hard David Letterman watcher.

NBC has stated that they hope to develop another late night show hopefully around someone who can generate more of a viewing audience like Lindsay Lohan, Meghan McCain, or Andy Dick.

In other news. Amy Winehouse added three more tattoos and two piercings to her body this past week.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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