Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Topics: octuplets

Monday, 18 May 2009

image for OctuMom To Marry Joaquin Phoenix
OctuMom shown on Mother's Day, after Joaquin Phoenix proposed to her. (photo courtesy of David Letterman)

LA HABRA, California - Actor, singer, lousy talk show guest Joaquin Phoenix asked OctuMom to marry him and she said yes.

A very reliable inside source said that Phoenix, 34, reportedly asked "Octy" to marry him when they went out on their Mother's Day date to Long Juan Silverio's, which is a very popular and expensive Mexican Restaurant located in Alhambra.

Mom who is 33, told her mom, her hairstylist, and her eight nannies, that she has been a fan of Joaquin's ever since she first saw him in the movie Walk The Line where Phoenix portrayed Johnny Cash.

She said that for two weeks following the birth of her eight babies she viewed the movie every day and she found herself humming songs like "Ring Of Fire," "A Boy Named Sue," "Folsom Prison Blues," and "MacArthur Park" while breast-feeding her eight babies.

When told that Johnny never recorded "MacArthur Park" Mom replied that she knew that, but she said that the babies all really liked that song.

She then added that she has always liked the Richard Harris song which talks about cake recipes, yellow cotton dresses, old men playing checkers, and papaya margaritas.

OctuMom was asked where her, Joaquin, and her 14 kids plan to live and she replied that she wasn't sure yet. She did say that Joaquin owns a six-bedroom home down in Peru.

She also said that he owns a gigantic teepee just outside of Santa Fe, New Mexico, and a double-wide trailer in Corpus Christi, Texas.

When asked what attracted her to the somewhat somber, sullen, strange Phoenix "Octy" said that it was his last name. She said that she has always liked the name Phoenix.

She added that she also likes the name Houston, but laughed and said that although she's available, Whitney's a girl.

Joaquin Phoenix was asked what about Mom attracted him.

He asked, "Who? Eight babies?"

"Yes, why in the world did you think that they call her "OctuMom?"

"Hell, I figured it was because she was born in October."

"Ah, Joaquin, you do know that she has six other children making a total of 14 kids right?"

"14!?"

"Yes, hey what the heck did the two of you talk about on your date anyway?"

"We talked about David Letterman, Donald Rumsfeld, Flipper, my hip hop career, her yum-yum, penguins, my movies, North Dakota, and lip gloss."

When told that Joaquin Phoenix said that he does not remember asking her to marry him, Mom got quite upset and said that she will be hiring an attorney and suing the pants, shirt, and tie off of him.

She was asked on what grounds will she be suing him. And she replied on lots of grounds, but mostly irreconcilable differences, alienation of affection, status quo, Gina Lollobrigida, and habeas ipso facto Danny DeVito.

In a related story. Paris Hilton has just been signed to star in a movie based on the television show of the same name, "Eight Is Enough."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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