Written by Jalapenoman
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Sunday, 10 May 2009

image for Obama's Daily "To Do" List Discovered
To simple for King Obama, but it might work for one of his daughters.

Like many people, President Barack Obama makes a daily "to do" list with tasks needing to be done that day. His list from Tuesday was discovered in a trash can outside of a hotel where he gave a speech that evening. It is now the object of a bidding war between Political Historians, the media, and Obama family insiders.

The media are actually split into two camps on this: those who wish to exploit the President's private agenda and those that wish to supress it.

David Peterson, brother in law of the man who discovered the list, admits that he has seen it and it contains the following tasks:

  • Have Chief of Staff begin contacting jewelry companies about making official American Crown Jewels for my coronation.
  • Tell Michelle and the girls that they need to start covering their faces again when the visitors are out of the White House.
  • Contact an Ayatollah and find out if I can start getting my 72 virgins now (since I'm obviously "in heaven" as head of free world).
  • Send Oprah an engraved copy of the Koran for her birthday.
  • Check to see if getting speeches transmitted to ear phones will work better than those stupid teleprompters.


Mr. Peterson said that he only saw the list once and that it did contain other items, but that he doesn't remember all of them clearly. Further stories may develop if he recalls the other items.

Peterson said that the list was obviously printed on a printer and had some handwriting in red ink on the side of the items (obviously further notes on the items). Beside the one about the crown jewels, it said "when can I finally crown myself king?" In the margin beside the item about Virgins, it says "since Miley Cyrus took a virginity pact, is she available?"

The Obama White House denies that the list is legitimate. Further, they ordered all members of the liberal press to take their lips off the President's ass for thirty seconds and make sure that their news outlets did not report on it.

When asked how she felt about having her name on the list, Miley Cyrus said that "It might be cool to do him if I could be the queen and wear those new jewels."

Thus far, Oprah has bid more for the list than anyone else, including Rush Limbaugh.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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