Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Monday, 11 May 2009

image for Sarah Palin Buys George Bush's Texas Ranch
A herd of Texas Jersey milk cows which Gov. Palin will soon be shooting from a helicopter.

WASILLA, Alaska - Governor Sarah Palin and her husband Todd, The First Dude, have just purchased President George Bush's Texas Ranch.

The 1,583 acre ranch, was originally supposed to have been bought by England's Queen Elizabeth, but apparently there was some little problem with her credit.

Governor Palin said that as soon as she found out that 'English Liz' would not be buying it, she had her finance manager make some calls to Texas.

After a little bit of back and forth haggling over the asking price, the governor said that 'Georgy' finally agreed to her offer of $1,237,811.

Governor Palin had been wanting to buy the ranch ever since she first saw it on eBay back in November. The ranch house has eight bedrooms, four bathrooms, a red phone, a four truck garage, a butter churning room, an industrial cornbread dispenser, and a helicopter hangar.

The Lazy Bar B Arrogant Longhorn Ranch has been used as the backdrop for several movies including Tom Selleck and Sam Elliot's The Lying Bushwhackers of The Santa Muchacha Creek and the Zucker Brothers' Airplane 8 - The Silly-As-Heck Cavity Searches.

"Snowflake" Sarah told reporters that her and her husband plan to rename the Bush ranch "Rancho Saracuda."

She told CNN's Anderson Cooper that she can hardly wait to go on down to Texas and check out her new 'spread' and start shooting some of the ranch animals.

Cooper told Palin that her ranch does not have any reindeer, moose, or caribou on it. And she replied that it didn't matter because she heard that it has lots of Longhorns, Herefords, Aberdeen Angus, and even a herd of Jersey milk cows.

Cooper asked her if she really was planning on shooting domesticated cattle and the governor replied, "Anderson my kids have to eat, don't they?"

"Well yes."

"Okay then."

"But governor, what's wrong with taking the kiddoes to McDonalds, Diary Queen, or Whataburger?"

"Really Anderson. Why should I pay for hamburgers when I now actually own the factory and I can get all of the burgers that I want for free?"

"So, basically what you're saying is that you just want to be able to shoot your own food?"

"Bingo!"

"From a helicopter?"

"Ditto."

In other news. Coors Beer and Corona Beer are finalizing plans to merge. The new beer name will be marketed as CoCo Beer.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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