Written by Valmerk
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Topics: Shopping, clothing

Wednesday, 8 April 2009

image for Middle Aged Woman Shops In Junior's Department
Ms. Goldman thinking about a visit to Limited Too.

It's sad but true. Another perimenopausal woman has been sighted shopping in the junior department of a well known clothing store chain at the local mall.

We recently visited with the woman, Mrs. Gertrude Goldman, in order to better understand why she and others like her would act upon the urge to shop in such an alien, culturally hostile environment. The woman insisted, "I look great in these clothes! They are so colorful and stylish and they fit my girlish figure!"

When the woman was questioned about the fact that her girlish figure was indeed a figment of her imagination and that she had all the shapliness of a frog, she seemed unfazed, stating "I know that I have something that looks like a shape and when I shuffle around here and there in my 5 inch stilettos and tight jeans, I know the boys are looking. I try to complete my look with Farrah Fawcett Hair and my large dangly breasts. I mean earlobes. What I meant to say was earrings".

In regard to the trendy babydoll tops she seems partial to, we once again questioned Mrs. Goldman about the fact that her saggy breasts can be seen hanging out of the bottom of her blouse, she replied, "That's exactly why I like the colorful patterns! You notice all of the pretty designs and not the fact that my breasts are hanging out of the bottom".

The following day we visited the junior department in order to explain to them why Mrs. Goldman felt justified in shopping for these clothes. We located Miss Taylor Marsh, the white trash Customer Sales Associate in the junior's department, and quizzed her in regard to the old woman's argument.

Ms. Marsh replied "She be a white haired ho' with da rainbow cap! She tryin' to look good in girl baby clothes. She be needing to shop da ol' lady department. She's gots the flat ass and she wrinkly all over like a elefant. She be ugly and she be buyin' up all da good stuff. Da kids, dey look at her and calls her ol' Hanna Montana Geritol grandma 'ho and smash da sticky Cinnabons on her head. She has gots ta go. Word to your grandma."

We'll keep you informed of further developments. Peace out.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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