Written by Jay T. Jennings
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Monday, 6 April 2009

image for Ancient Secret Revealed in North Dakota
former North Dakota governor Roquefort Knoefla

Absolutely stunning, if true, a long hidden secret tracing its way back to pre-Columbian prairie cultures has finally been revealed in North Dakota, USA. How could such a phenomenon have been kept hidden for centuries? The answer seems to lie in one of the largest conspiracies ever conceived.

Imagine a commodity so precious that native American cultures as diverse as the Mandan, Arikara, and Lakota Sioux banded together over one hundred years ago to keep it from General Custer. Inadvertently Custer overheard only the merest hint of this in the last words of one of his native scouts delirious from the effects yellow fever, but that hint was enough to set his ambitious imagination ablaze. The eventual outcome of his ambition to acquire this secret was his death and those of the soldiers that followed him.

Other cultures came forth upon the American prairie. Norwegians, Swedes, Scotch-Irish, Germans-from-Russia, and even Texans entered the vast openness and slowly learned to cherish this cypher of the plains so highly that they, too, kept it hidden. Barriers of language and pickling preferences dissolved in the conspiratorial bond. Until now.

With the advent of modern communications technology in the twentieth century the chances of discovery increased. Monumental efforts arose to prevent this, including a program instituted by then North Dakota governor Roquefort Knoefla. Known as the "North Dakota Mountain Eradication Program" the idea was to create the image of a drab and treeless landscape that would discourage almost all tourist travel through the state. So effective was this program that even today North Dakota is the least visited state in the USA in spite of the truth that it was and is actually a photographer's paradise.

The very name "North Dakota" was subtly designed to engender an image of cold desolation in order to repel outsiders. The catch phrase "Forty below keeps out the riffraff" is still spoken today with a wink and a nod by those North Dakotans in the know. Even the North Dakotans, themselves, have cultivated an artificially dour and taciturn nature in order to keep from revealing the natural joy in life that comes from their heartland home. These conspiratorial efforts and more continue today into the Twenty-first century.

However, even the best laid plans eventually go awry and so it has come to be with the North Dakota Secret.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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