Written by Vondrook
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Topics: Toilet, Farting, Coughing

Tuesday, 17 March 2009

Wilkes Barre, PA-At a rest stop on the Pennsylvania turnpike, a young man tried to conceal his call to nature by coughing in-sync with his flatulence.

Christopher Breen, 21, of Glenside Pennsylvania, was traveling north to visit friends at Scranton University. His intention was to use the bathroom once he got to his friend's house, but his stomach began to rumble nearly halfway through the 2 hour trip. He came across a rest area just in time, and chose the farthest stall to limit his embarrassment.

"I knew it was going to be difficult," Christopher told reporters upon exiting the bathroom, his brow beaded with sweat. "I was completely unprepared for this arrangement."

An early exit poll of bathroom users were not convinced of Christopher's thinly veiled hacking fits. Only 3% of the men entering the bathroom believed that Christopher had to actually cough.

One anonymous skeptic coming out of the bathroom told reporters, "Oh, it was pathetic. He would have been better off clapping his hands and screaming nonsense to cover that up."

Christopher had to agree with the anonymous witness. "No, that guy was right. The first 20 minutes in there were terrible, but the last half-hour or so, I really brought out my "A" game. I was in such a rhythm and zone, and considering the circumstances, I did quite well overall. I went with the coughing tactic not only because it is a classic, but also because it always helps in a pinch."

In the next few months, Christopher has plans to drive to Chicago, and is working out several new flatulence diversions to use on the road such as, "The Sing-Along," "The Foot Stomp," and a top-secret method known only as "The Rascal."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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