Written by Adam Click
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Topics: Barack Obama, panic

Sunday, 15 March 2009

image for Obama Administration to Teach Americans How to Panic
The new Homeland Security Alert System has a new color for every day from now until 2012

The Obama administration today promised that by the time 2012 comes around Americans will not only know how to panic but will have good reason to. The promise comes just days after President Obama said that he was "dissatisfied" with the reaction to his latest forecast of doom and gloom.

"What's wrong with these people? Don't they know we're in the midst of a crisis? I mean, damn! Not only can't white people jump, but you can't even get a rise out of them! Well, all that's going to change. Today I'm unveiling a new government information campaign called "Run, Jump and Hide!"".

"The key to "Run, Jump and Hide" or "RJH" is the new Homeland Security Alert System which has as many colors as there are days left until election day, 2012.Each day will have it's own color. Each color signifies a new threat. Each threat will increase in seriousness and complexity. this will continue until each and every American is cowering in the fetal position with a blankie, sucking their thumb, looking to the government to take care of them and solve their problems."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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