Written by Jalapenoman
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Sunday, 1 March 2009

image for Social Scientists Define the Three Types of Cowboys
Don't mess with Texans

Research conducted by the Hubbard Museum of the American West has concluded that there are actually three different types of Cowboys in the United States. This system of measurement should be used when trying to typify any person claiming to be a Cowboy and is a quick judge of the morals and ethical stance of the individual.

Experts do note that of the three types of Cowboys, only two deserve capitalization.

First on the list are such organizations as the Dallas Cowboys of the National Football League. In the recent past, they have excelled at losing and felonies. While other University and other schools may use this mascot and may not face similar legal problems, they fall into the same category simply using "Cowboy" as a team designation.

Second on this list is the your urban cowboys (the lower case kind). These wannabees wear the "uniform" for style. They have unstained carpeting and CD players in their gunrackless pickups. They don't count for a pile of cowflop. Real Cowboys call them girlymen. A good cowgirl could take them out on a bad day. These pussies probably voted for Obama.

Then there's real, honest to goodness, ride a horse and own the Tony Lama's (work boots, nice boots for church, and the run around the town pair of tennis boots) and speak the language and proudly wear the belt buckle and know what the inside of a feed store looks like and have the NRA rear window sticker and speak a little bit of Meskin and attend the rodeo and support the kids in 4-H and FFA and have caught themselves in embarrasing spots climbing over barbed wire and have to turn around and go back to their truck at the airport (because they still have their leatherman on their belt and their pocket knife in their pocket) and still call all ladies ma'am kinds of Cowboys. This is just as much as state of mind as a state of birth and it can't be taught; it has to be lived.

Further, the scientists determined that, even though George W. Bush was from Texas, he fell into the urban cowboy category. It was also decided that Oprah Winfrey was not a cowgirl, just a cow.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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