Written by Bureau
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Topics: Health

Friday, 13 February 2009

image for More People Inserting Objects Inside Themselves!
Office in mess after vibrator shorted out and panic!

According to reports, people of all ages are inserting objects into themselves. While it's been known to happen from time to time, now it seems to be epidemic.

Professionals at Nationwide Children's Hospital in Cleveland, Ohio, told an annual meeting of radiologists in Chicago in December that they had discovered an alarming new teenage trend of self-mutilation: girls deliberately inserting objects into their arms, hands, feet, ankles and necks (including needles, staples, wood, stone, glass and a piece of chalk).

According to the Chicago Tribune, the hospital reported extracting 52 such objects from 10 girls in a three-year period and regarded the practice as an extension of the more common self-cutting.

Other studies have shown that at least 13 percent of high school students have deliberately injured themselves at least once.

Then there's the guy who reportedly kept a vibrator up his wazoo in Louisville, Kentucky.

According to one worker, Samuel Jayson's co-workers were constantly hearing a buzz coming from his cubicle.

"We thought at first that he was secretly shaving", stated Wilma Mack. "There would be this buzzing noise. But then, later in the day you'd hear it again."

"That's right", stated Roy Davies another office worker, "but when we asked him, he just said that it must be his computer acting up."

Apparently after several month's, a stopped-up commode in the bathroom brought a plumber who found two different vibrators that had apparently fallen out of Samuel's ass although he kept denying it.

However, no one had to ask after February second, Ground Hog Day.

"We were at the cooler and we all heard this scream and there goes Samuel holding onto the seat of his pants and headed for the bathroom. Then they had to call an ambulance as Samuel kept jerking and buzzing", stated Davies.

"The thing had went all the way up and then the battery shorted out."

"Long story short: He survived but he doesn't work here anymore."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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