Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Friday, 23 January 2009

image for Citizen George Bush Applies For Unemployment Benefits
George Bush dressed up as an Air Force pilot on his way to last year's White House Halloween Party

CRAWFORD, Texas - President George Bush has now joined the ranks of millions of Americans who are without a job.

Mr. Bush walked into The Crawford Unemployment Agency, took a number (#14) and waited his turn to speak to an unemployment clerk.

About 15 minutes later, his number was called and he met with unemployment clerk Sally Tuleta Fayette, 49. Miss Fayette asked him to fill out an initial unemployment questionaire and return it to her.

Mr. Bush filled it out and returned it back to Ms. Fayette. She looked it over and asked him why he did not fill in the space that asks the reason why he left his last place of employment.

Bush grinned and said "Well I guess I was just kind of embarrassed to write down that the American people finally realized that I was kind of prone to lying a little bit...every now and then."

Ms. Fayette smiled, took a sip of her coffee, and told Mr. Bush that he may have fooled a lot of the American people, especially all of the Republicans about Iraq having weapons of mass destruction. But that she knew from the very beginning that he was lying his ass off big time.

Bush asked her how she could be so sure. And she answered that his eyes gave him away. She noticed that whenever he lied about something he would squint and his eyes would get real small.

Ms. Fayette said she was watching him that morning on CNN when he first told the people about the WMD's. And she said that right away she noticed that his eyes both got so little that they looked like B.B.'s.

Bush laughed and simply said, "Sally Tuleta Fayette, I'm afraid you got me." Ms. Fayette grinned and remarked, "Effen right I got you cowboy.

This old Texas vieja (woman) is an old ranch gal from way back. And I've stepped in more different kinds of animal shit than that pretty little lesbian Lindsay Lohan has freckles.

And while I got you here Brokeback, exactly what the hell was that damn 'Mission Accomplished' sign all about anyway?"

Bush turned red, and answered, that the sign was all Cheney's idea. He then told her that she was overlooking all of the good things that he had done.

"Like what Wyatt Earp?" she fired back.

"Like I had the U.S. Treasury Department print us up more money. I hired a black woman, Condominium Rice to be my secretary of state. And hell I even hired one of them Left Coast sidesaddle-ridin' fairies to be my wife Laura's personal hairdresser.

I got nothing against blacks, or gays, or even black gays, like that TV gal Opera Wintry."

Sally Tuleta laughed and told him that her name is Oprah Winfrey and that she was not at all gay.

Bush laughed and said "I know she ain't gay in the gay gay way, but I meant that she was gay in the sense of being happy, you know like she is happy because she is worth several billion dollars.

Hell I know she likes guys, I saw her kissin' on that Steerman fella at a picnic sponsored by that Black organization...The NCAA."

Sally Tuleta laughed again and said "NCAA? Ah Marshal Dillon I think you mean NAACP." And Bush replied, "yeah, that's what I said NRA."

Ms. Fayette glanced down at her watch and said, "Ah Mr. Bush I just noticed that it's after five. And we close at five, so I guess that you'll just have to bring your butt back on in tomorrow sometime."

"Okey-dokey Miss Sally...hell it ain't exactly like I've got so many other things to do. I'll just pencil you in between petting my dog Barney and going down to the barbershop and shootin' the shit with the old fellers."

"Well goodnight Sal."

"Goodnight cowpoke."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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