Written by Kevin Vandenbroek
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Friday, 16 January 2009

image for bin Laden Takes Credit For U.S. Airways Crash
Suspected terrorist? Are pigs next?

In a recently released audio tape from Osama bin Laden, the exiled terrorist praised a sleeper cell in the U.S. composed entirely of geese.

The audio tape was posted on the Internet yesterday. In it, the Islamic militant takes credit for falling a U.S. Airways jet. Flight 1549 had just taken off from LaGuardia Airport en route to Charlotte, N.C., when federal officials said it might have flown through a large flock of Canada geese.

"Al Qaeda has succeeded in recruiting fowl, renegade cows and common household cats in our jihad against the Satan America," bin Laden is translated as saying in his latest message. "The geese from Canada heroically gave their lives. We would also like to honour a cat in Utah for scratching a four-year old girl on the neck. Mrs. Pickles is a staunch supporter of the Palestinian people."

The outgoing Bush Administration took credit for outing the geese. "The President had received a memo in December that was titled 'Al Quacka About to Fly into a Jet Engine.' That's when we secretly initiated training among America's airline industry on how to deal with a 'bird strike'. The training paid off," said Paul A. Schneider, Deputy Secretary of the Department of Homeland Security.

A 12-pound Cackling Goose, at a hastily called press conference near Blue Ball, PA, pleaded with Americans to not jump to conclusions. The bird asked for cool heads in light of this tragedy, "Honk. Honk, honk," he said.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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