Written by JJ Jogolo
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Thursday, 25 December 2008

image for New Organic Breast Implants Being Recalled
Breast implants will grow 100 times larger

TittyCorp, a manufacturer of silicon and the now outlawed organic breast implants, has been ordered to recall their latest organic based breast implants, called Tiggerbitties™, when it was learned that the implants began to grow after being implanted into the body.

Women who've received the implants are finding that the growing implants do not have a stopping point, they simply continue to grow larger and larger. The implants grow to the point of breast pain from the stretching tissue and back pain from the extreme off-balancing weight.

We spoke with one woman who had the implants and she explained, "At first they were beautiful. My husband showed them off to everyone we met. Then we both noticed that they seemed to be getting bigger. I was buying a new bra every week and within 2 months I couldn't find bras big enough to fit. I actually would up going downtown to Omar the Tent Maker to have custom bras made. My husband loves this, but they have become sore to touch and my back is killing me from carrying the extra weight."

Men wanted the recall stopped but the women who have received the implants were screaming foul to the Bureau for Better Business and demanding the recall. The women took TittyCorp to court, sued them for damages and the recall and won the case. Judge Ima Buttman ruled that TittyCorp will have to pay each implantee $20 thousand dollars for pain and suffering as well as cover the cost of removal and plastic surgery.

Men have begun to ask TittyCorp to start work on a penis enlargement implant that would be made from the exact same organic material as Tiggerbitties™. TittyCorp has agreed to research this idea providing that the men are willing to sign a waiver of liability for any future problems that may arise from the implants. More as it arises.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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