Written by Brian Matthews
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Monday, 8 December 2008

image for English Professor Disappointed in Hackneyed Divorce
"affair with a teacher's assistant, Carole walking in on us, my things on the lawn"

After seven years of marriage, Professor Ernest Williams and his wife Carole have filed for divorce, in a process Williams called "banal and trite".

"An affair with a teacher's assistant, Carole walking in on us, my things on the lawn," Williams lamented from his room at the Madison, Wisconsin Doze-Away Motel. "If a student had written it down and submitted it in Creative Writing 201, I'd have given them an F."

The two nearly mended the relationship after an impassioned speech of humility by Prof. Williams. However, a montage of lip syncing to "I'm Walking on Sunshine" while washing dishes with friends convinced Mrs. Williams to make the split permanent.

Mrs. Williams has since rebounded to start the interior design business that Ernest said she never had the talent for. The business moves to its expanded offices next Tuesday.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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