Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Topics: Russia, Venezuela

Monday, 24 November 2008

image for Russian Warships Bomb Venezuela
Two Russian Warships, The RS Molotov Cocktail (left) and The RS Bolshevik Bitch (right)

CARACAS, Venezuela - What was supposed to have been a Russian naval exercise in Venezuelan waters has turned ugly.

Three Russian warships, 'The RS Caviar Countess,' 'The RS Molotov Coctail,' and 'The RS Bolshevik Bitch' received orders from Moscow to attack the oil rich South American country.

When President Hugo Chavez first learned of the attack he was so shocked that all he could say was, "What da hell is dees?"

Bombs from the three Russian warships started raining down on the Venezuelan capital of Caracas like candy out of a pinata. The smoke from the bombs was so thick that all of the beauty parlors, the tattoo shops, and the Taco Bells in downtown Caracas had to close.

The Venezuelan Air Force was immediately scrambled. Twenty minutes later after the Venezuelan pilots had, had their coffee and breakfast tacos, the three Venezuelan jets were in the air and headed towards the Russian fleet.

One of the jets had to turn back right away because the 'maintenance light' came on. But the other two continued. Unfortunately their navagation system went on the blink and both jets ended up in Nicaraqua.

President Chavez in a fit of desperation called the United States to ask for assistance. President Bush was busy packing so he did not answer Chavez' call.

Chavez then called Condoleezza Rice but she was at the movies watching 'Madagascar: Escape 2 Africa' and had her cell phone turned off.

He then called information and got actor Wilmer Valderrama's phone number. Wilmer took his call and he strongly advised Chavez that he get his ass running towards Brazil as fast as it can go, and not to stop until he gets to the Bolivian border.

Meanwhile back at the Kremlim, President Vladimir Putin has already instructed The Russian Acme Sign Company to begin printing up signs that read: 'Welcome to Venezuela, The Home of the Putin Oil Company (Putoco).'

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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