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Thursday, 13 November 2008

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Obama's daughters reject his offer of Tony Blair as their hypoallergenic puppy

Stork's Landing, Illinois - It was smiles all around at the Obama house as First Mama, Michelle Obama, announced she is pregnant. The wife of President-elect Barack Obama broke the news at an impromptu press conference earlier today.

"Yes, it's true, I'm pregnant," beamed Michelle as she bit into a kosher dill pickle. "That's why I asked my mother to move into the White House with us."

First Grandma Marian Robinson, 71, was on hand for the news conference as well.

"I'm happy to help out with Malia and Sasha as always and of course with the new baby. But Michelle better not pull a Palin and go for five or I'm outta here," said Robinson, shooting her daughter a sideways look.

"I don't care if they do put a bingo hall in the White House basement for me and my friends like they promised," added Mrs Robinson, punching the air with her bingo dabber for emphasis.

"Hush Mama!" interrupted Michelle, almost choking on her pint of Ben & Jerry's Obama Cinnamon Rocky Road ice cream. "We don't need any more rumors about Bingogate."

"Then I guess I better not mention the Granny One navy cruise ship you promised neither," shot back the crafty Mrs Robinson, adding "Hmph" for final punctuation.

Michelle Obama redirected the press back to her pregnancy. "As I was saying, we're all thrilled about the new baby. It was totally unexpected. Barack has been completely exhausted from the campaign and you all know what that does to your sex life. I mean, except for John Edwards."

"Anyway, I kept telling Barack, 'yes we can, yes we can' and we sure did," relayed a candid Michelle Obama. "That Barack, he sure Camelot."

"Mmmmmm, I just crave these," mumbled Michelle as she devoured a large stack of buttermilk pancakes covered in chocolate sauce.

Meanwhile, Oprah Winfrey, Hillary Clinton and Sarah Palin have been busy organising a baby shower for Michelle Obama.

Oprah has announced that she will broadcast the baby shower live on her talk show. Oprah is also sponsoring a nationwide 'Get Fat with Michelle' campaign for the next nine months to show support for the First Mama.

"It's great that Michelle's pregnant. I always put on about 40 pounds during winter, so this campaign couldn't have come at a better time for my ratings," mumbled Oprah as she devoured a large stack of buttermilk pancakes covered in chocolate sauce.

The Obama daughters, Malia and Sasha, were asked how they felt about having a new little brother or sister when they moved into the White House.

"I guess it will be ok," said Malia. "But Daddy promised us a new puppy. I'd rather have a puppy," whimpered a tearful Sasha.

Malia added, "Now Daddy says we have to have a hypoallergenic dog because of my allergies. He said we have to have George Bush's poodle, Tony Blair."

"Eeeeyooouuu," protested Sasha. "I'd just die if my friends saw me walking Tony Blair around Washington. Forget it. I'll take a baby brother or sister now."

President-elect Obama has not commented as yet on his wife's pregnancy. However, his transition team has announced an end to the trade embargo on Cuban cigars.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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