Written by Abel Rodriguez
Rating:

Share/Bookmark
Print this
Topics: Racism, KKK

Tuesday, 11 November 2008

image for KKK (Koconut Krispy Kreme?)
General Nathan Bedford Forrest (seated at left) with three of his 'boys'

JACKSONVILLE, Florida - The school board of General Nathan Bedford Forrest High School has voted to keep the school's name.

The vote was taken after several African-Americans had protested the school's name saying that Forrest, who was a Civil War general was reportedly one of the founders of the Ku Klux Klan and even served as its first 'Grand Wizard.'

Elijah Mofodell Jefferson, a devout member of the African-American organization BLAKKK (Blacks Lividly Againist the Ku Klux Klan) said, "Hey, the man was the 'Daddy of the KKK.' He was an avowed racist. The dude was a dyed-in-the-wool bigot for goodness sakes."

Jefferson went on, "I have read several books by noted Civil War historians who wrote that Forrest was always making 'off-color' slave jokes. It sounds funny, but old Nathan even hated fried chicken. But he sure had no problem wrapping his lips around some nasty-looking possum stew."

Noted Civil War author Titus Leland Hayweather, whose father was born in Kansas and whose mother was born in Kenya, wrote the definitive book on General Nathan B. Forrest.

The awarding-winning book is entitled, 'How In The World Can Anyone Say That General Nathan Bedford Forrest Was Not An Equal Opportunity Employer When 100% of His Employees Were Black Slaves.'

On page 87 Hayweather shows a photo taken by the Civil War's most famous photographer Matthew Brady. The photo clearly shows General Forrest in his boxer shorts standing next to his horse, 'Fido' and pointing to big bold letters stitched into the back of his horse's saddle which read, 'Honk if you are a White supremacist.'

Jefferson added, "I also read in Hayweather's book where the general would have one of his cooks hold up an empty box of Uncle Ben's Converted Rice and he would then shoot the box out of his hand. To the general's marksmanship credit, none of his cooks were ever accidentally shot.

On page 103, Hayweather wrote, 'One of General Forrest's top aides, Private Chauncey Ashwater, recalled watching him sitting around the officers' camp drinking 'Mississippi Moonshine' with General's Stonewall Jackson, James Longstreet, and Simon Bolivar Buckner.

All of a sudden Forrest stood up and remarked about how much he hated the Harlem Globetrotters. Stonewall Jackson stood up, got in Forrest's face and said, 'Nathan B. I came here to talk about the military strategy that we are going to employ in order to defeat the damn Union Army...I did not come here to talk about the damn Harlem Globetrotters basketball team.'

Jefferson then said, "Now, let me get back to the problem at hand. I just cannot understand how anyone can expect people of color, like me, Whoopi, Oprah, or Stymie III, to just sit idly by and pretend that we are okay with the school's name.

Now don't get me wrong, if there were no Black kids at all attending that school I couldn't care less if they named the school and the team, The General Nathan Bedford Forrest High School Fighting Grand Dragons."

Jefferson then sternly said, "Now can you just imagine the screaming and hollering that you would hear if the school name was changed to Snoopy Doggy Dog High School or Louis Farrakan High School, or even Salt-N-Pepa High School?"

He then remarked, "My organization is going to request that the school board take another vote. And if they do not agree to change the name then I will personally meet with each one of the four Black high school basketball players and I will ask them not to play real good and not to score too many points."

In related news, Jefferson's wife, Muffetina said that she would really like to see the high school name changed to honor one of the hardest working Black women in the history of hard working Black women, Aunt Jemima.

Muffetina suggested that the high school's team could be The Aunt Jemima Fighting Pancakes. And she added that in the spirit of true integration the school colors could be 'black and white, or white and black'

Make Abel Rodriguez's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!

Print this


Share/Bookmark

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Email:

What's 4 plus 3?

2 6 7 3

Go to top