LOMPOC, California. - An Italian satellite blasted off from Vandenberg Air Force Base. The Delta Rocket II, code name 'Upa Upa And Away' lifted off with hundreds of paparazzi snaping photos.
In fact there were so many photographers at the base that Britney Spears called up her agent crying and asking him "Am I not famous anymore or what? I haven't seen a single paparazzi guy in the last 45 minutes. I am worried sick. What's wrong, please tell me." When her agent informed her that the paparazzi were all at Vandenberg Air Force Base because of the Italian satellite, Britney was so relieved that she relieved herself in the driveway.
Italian authorites were asked what the goal of the satellite is and they replied that the goals are many, but that the main goal is to gather up factual data and detailed facts so that it can be used in the development of a new type of pepperoni. Italian food experts hope that they will be able to develop a new hybrid pepperoni with the Parmesan already on it.
The Italian space director Luigi Tetrazzini said that he is so pleased and proud to be in the same space program league as the United States, Russia, China, and Antarctica. Tetrazzini compared the excitement to that of playing soccer except without all of the yelling, screaming, and hair pulling.
Tetrazzini was asked if the Italian government sponsored the Italian space program and he replied, "No the government of Italy does not pay one single lira. The space program is completely funded by a 3% space tax on wine, noodles, soccer balls, and Fettucine Alfredo."
In other news, an elderly woman was arrested in a Moscow supermarket for being in the 'Ten Items or Less Lane' with 11 items.
(Edited for television)