Polyandry, CA - In an historic deal struck days before the upcoming presidential vote, candidates Barack Obama and John McCain have brokered a power sharing plan that would avert either of them loosing the election.
"It's quite simple really," explained both candidates' press officers in unison. "We read that CNN story about the brothers in northern India who marry one woman in order to keep the family land from being divided over and over in each successive generation. The parallels to the American political process were undeniable."
Both spokespersons added, in perfect harmony, "So go ahead and vote for whichever candidate you fancy. It will make you feel good, which is what counts in a democracy, but it won't matter, because both men will be in the White House come January.
Key to the power sharing accord is that both Obama and McCain will have Sarah Palin as their shared vice president.
"It makes sense, doesn't it? Why have two vice presidents when sharing one will do nicely," refrained the Republican and Democratic spokespersons, again in perfect harmony.
Senator Obama quickly endorsed the power and Palin sharing deal. "Abraham Lincoln said it best all those years ago, and I quote, a house divided against itself cannot stand. Now if Lincoln had said, a pig divided against itself cannot stand, that would be a different story."
Senator McCain was equally enthusiastic about the deal. "We certainly pulled the fat out of the fire with this one. I don't mind sharing Sarah with my brother Barack if it means we get to keep the White House."
Fraternal polyandry, the practice of two or more brothers sharing a wife in order to keep the family land and wealth intact, is a centuries-old tradition in several remote, isolated, rural areas around the world, similar to the United States really.
Along the Nepal-India border, brothers Ben and Jerry Yakcream have been married to the same woman for the past 15 years.
"In our culture, sharing is very important," explained older brother Ben, sipping yak milk from his side of the double spouted cup held by his brother Jerry. "If we compete and fight about everything, soon there will be nothing left."
"It's true," interjected younger brother Jerry, standing to relieve himself while holding the milk cup in one hand and smoking a clay pipe in the other, with older brother Ben offering a helping hand to shake his brother's willy when he finished.
Jerry continued. "Look at the mess the Western world has gotten itself into with all this unnecessary competition. There's no credit tsunami or global economic slowdown here in our village. It's all down to wife-sharing."
When asked if sexual intimacy was difficult in a three-way marriage, both men laughed.
"There you go again with you middle class values of ownership," mocked Ben. "Our wife can hardly cheat on either one of us since she's married to both of us."
Jerry further explained the sexual logistics involved.
"We just work out a schedule and try to stick to it. Kind of like the Chinese can drive their cars on either even or odd days depending on their numbered license plates. In the end, everyone gets to their destination. And if you really, really need to get off somewhere when it's not your day, you either borrow someone else's car or just walk there by yourself."
Jerry started to further explain, "If one of us needs to swap our shift, we do our best to work it out. I don't see why-"
Ben finished his brother's sentence for him, "politics couldn't be the same. All Obama and McCain have to do is work out a schedule and be flexible if need be. Sharing Sarah will ensure that it all goes smoothly." Brother Jerry nodded in agreement.
Mrs Yakcream had some words of advice for Sarah Palin.
"It all sounds easy on the surface, but you will be the one to make this power sharing deal work out between Obama and McCain. Here are some tips I've learned over the years that might help."
"First, never compare Obama and McCain in terms of their performance in bed. Men's egos are very fragile and they will both need to feel they are the best."
"Now for me, I imagine my older husband Ben may be more like McCain in bed, and my younger husband Jerry may be more like Obama. But you never know; it might turn out just the opposite. It really doesn't matter. What was it your Benjamin Franklin said? In the dark all cats are gray."
"The same goes for comparing their politics," admonished Mrs Yakcream. "Their politics are just an extension of their penises after all. So say nice things about Obama's health care plans and equally nice things about McCain bombing the hell out of the Taliban. Remember the old adage, politics makes strange bedfellows. That will help."
Alaska Governor Sarah Palin is keen to embrace her pivotal role as power sharing dealmaker between Presidents Obama and McCain.
"I can't think of anyone besides myself in politics today better equipped to handle both of these men," declared Palin.
"Everyone may have belittled me as governor of Alaska, but just think about it. Arctic Eskimos have been wife-sharing with visiting strangers for centuries in the spirit of cooperation and hospitality."
"And don't forget," added Palin with a wink and a grin, my husband Todd is part Native Alaskan. Believe me; I've got the experience to pull this off."