President George W. Bush, who will leave office within 100 days, has selected a site for his Presidential Library. The building will be located in the Dallas suburb of Irving and is easily accessible from several area freeways.
"We done decided to buy out the Texas Stadium when the Dallas Cowboys move to their new arena next year," said Bush in an exclusive interview. "I picked that place because of the historifical signification. The Dallas Cowboys have been winning NFL Championships and Super Bowls there for over 500 years. Since I have been winning wars for the past eight years, I thought it put everything in persepctive.
"I already done signed Executive Order 36-24-36 to fund the library. I haven't done that many executive orders, but thought that the number sounded good since I'm gonna use retired Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders as librarians. They'll look a lot better than those granny glasses old biddies who are always telling you to shush when you are pointing out the good parts of the National Geographic to your buddies or laughing at Mad Magazine.
"Anyway, we done give outselves $69 gazillion dollars to fund the new library."
When asked how he would spend the money, Bush was eager to answer.
"Well, Mommy and Laura are taking me to Barne's and Noble next week (after we go shopping for my new trick or treat costume for Halloween). I told them that the first book I want to buy for the new library is Curious George. I always liked that little monkey because he is named after me and Daddy.
"Then, we're gonna buy all of the Dr. Suess books.
"We're also gonna spend some of the money and keep the concession stands open in the library."
"After all, just what would a George W. Bush library be without cotton candy or snow cones?"