Written by ComixFarm Dude
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Topics: Language

Sunday, 12 October 2008

The National organization known as "They" (who you are referring to when you say, "They say...") announced today the establishment of a special sub-committee of They dedicated to the creation and deployment of slang.

Newly appointed President of the They-based sub-committee on slang, Richard Underwire Jr., said that a "more uniform" approach to slang was needed to rid the English speaking world of confusion that comes as a result of slang being created and deployed on the street rather than determined by government bureaucracy.

"There will be speech police appointed to ensure compliance," said Underwire, "and First Amendment protection of free speech does not mean that one is free to speak badly."

When asked for details about specific slang changes Underwire said, "Expect to see a change in the use of the word 'dick', which up until now has been confusing. If you said of a man that he doesn't have a dick, it's an insult - implying that a dick is a good thing. On the other hand, if you called a man a dick, that too is an insult - implying that a dick is a bad thing."

So what will the word "dick" mean under the new slang reformation act?

"Macho and cool" said Underwire.

"For example, If you have a big, macho truck you could say to a friend, 'Have you seen my truck? It's pretty dick. I've got it all dicked out.'"

Underwire admitted that the change in the use of the word "dick" was motivated, at least in part, by some of the cruel treatment he had received from other children growing up.

"My name is Richard, and I went by Dick," he said "so kids teased me. But what made it particularly difficult was the fact that my father's name was also Dick, and so family members referred to us as 'Big Dick' and 'Little Dick.'"

Underwire was also quick to point out some of the benefits of the new use of the word.

"You could even refer to your dick as dick," he said. "I could go to night clubs and tell the ladies, 'Hi, my name is Dick and I have a dick dick."

Underwire added that he has nick-named his dick, "Dick-Dick".

Changes are expected to be carried out as early as the beginning of the new year. Changes that Underwire says, "are pretty dick".

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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