Written by Morgan Truce
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Topics: Beer, Disaster

Tuesday, 1 June 2004

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Milwaukee USA (AP) Jack Potts of the National Beer Wholesalers Association warns that the demand for beer this summer may outrun dwindling supplies. "A disaster in the 2003 hops crop has all breweries curtailing production beginning this past month." Looking dazed on his porch swing, Wisconsin hops farmer Dwayne Postlethwaite said, "Those Hop Aphids just beat the hell out of us last summer during that cold spell."

In Washington, the Beer Institute has been lobbying congress for a beer rationing system so that each state will have a share of the few cases of beer as they are made available. In several cities, extra police have been called on to control the rioting outside of taverns and beer retailers. In Chicago, Mayor Richard Daly gave police the authority to "shoot to kill" in last week's beer riots on the south side.

At the White House, President Bush announced that he would be calling upon "our European allies" to help out by stepping up beer exports to the United States. The President also denied reports that Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld has been warehousing large quantities of beer in the basement of the Pentagon. Yesterday, traffic on the 14th Street Bridge was clogged with over 100 Budweiser trucks heading south.

To aid the National Beer Wholesalers Association's attempt to distribute dwindling supplies, Spoof readers are asked to fill in the NEW Reader Poll that appears on the upper right of this page.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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