Written by Jim Banana
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Wednesday, 1 October 2008

image for Palin: Ready to Push Nuclear Button
Palin - Finger on the pulse

Peterson - Cheyenne Mountain Center. - Hopeful VP Sarah Palin said yesterday during a visit at the US Northern Command (NORAD) in Peterson (near Colorado Springs) : "I am ready to push the nuclear Red Button, if needed!".

Mrs. Palin made that statement during a press conference where she showed the new red mobile phone that she received during the visit. "I am very proud to disclose this state-of-the-art flashy red mobile phone including the red button to start any H-Bombing, be it Russia, China, Iran or Beijing." Palin said.

Pointing with her finger: "Look this is the red button. One push is enough. Don't panic ... It is not powered yet, but now I can practice already. Jeez, ... It's a wonderful thing, you know I can call my mom, my kinds, Todd too, and all those great members of my church, all with the same device. It's very practical. And red is my favorite.

Questioned about national defense she added: "You know, John (McCain) promised to hand over national defense to me since I am an expert moose hunter. You know, I am familiar with weapons. But, once I am in charge, I intend to bring the NORAD center to Wasilla, because that's much closer to the Russian and Chinese boarder. So we can react faster. And I think Todd should be in charge of NORAD, he's very realistic and can clean up the mess here in Peterson."

On the question when push the red button she said:" Oh, it's a matter of national interest. But when Putin - that little Russian atheist - keeps insulting our great nation or claims only one single square inch of the Antarctic new naval routes ... I will learn him a hot Alaskan lesson. Let him not forget I am a straight shooter. Yes I am ready for Commander-in-Chief ... since at home I am the Commander too. I think God put leadership into my genes."

When asked if global warming and the frequent hurricanes are somehow related hopeful VP Palin said: No, these geometric events are not related. Global warming is caused by the sunlight, and these hurricanes are God's punishment for the Cuban leaders. You see, that Castro family has done so much bad things, like lousy public health, smoking Havana cigars, promoting free sex, condoms and AIDS, invading other countries, helping that Venezuelan President Chivas Regal, and false elections with computer fraud. That's why God punishes Cuba."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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