Written by John Carroll
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Saturday, 29 May 2004

image for Bush Focuses on 'The Real Terrorists' - Legion of Doom
The Legion of Doom. Not pictured - Black Manta, Darkseid, Captain Cold, and Braniac.

At a press conference held earlier this morning, Bush announced his new plans to fight terrorism. "While we have made great leaps in bounds on the War against Terrorism, we have been looking over the most dangerous terrorists known to Man - The Legion of Doom."

Bush was quick to explain the reason behind this new plan before any questions could be asked. "Now, I'm aware that we do have The Super Friends to combat the Legion of Doom, but sometimes it's just not enough. Plus, The Super Friends changed members like, every other season. Whatever happened to Atom and Rima, huh?"

The Legion of Doom, a notorious group composed of such evil-doers as Lex Luthor, Darkseid, and Solomon Grundy, has apparently been on Bush's watch list for quite some time. "It was only recently that we decided that we should fully focus on these villains." Bush said. "We were hoping that The Super Friends regulars Superman and Green Lantern would be able to defeat them, but sadly this isn't the case. We've now decided to aid The Super Friends in their battle."

Bush then revealed a chart which showed, in order, the level of danger each member of The Legion posed. At the top of the list was Darkseid, ruler of the planet Apokalips, followed by the evil genius Lex Luthor. At the bottom of the list was Black Manta, whose only powers, as Bush pointed out, was "having a robotic voice and owning a pretty cool-looking submarine". "Plus," Bush continued, "He was Aquaman's arch nemesis. How weak can you be to not be able to defeat Aquaman?"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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