In a surprise move today, Republican Presidential candidate John McCain and pop star and dancer Madonna decided to change places and careers.
McCain will be replacing Madonna on her Sweet and Tacky tour, and will be singing such hits as 'Holiday (In Vietnam)', and grinning stupidly at cameras and dying his hair a ridiculous shade of white. Meanwhile, Miss Ciccone will be appearing on lots of stages to smile and wave a lot, and hope that nobody will notice that she has about as many policies as a piece of frozen pizza with a green salad on the side.
Few analysts were surprised at the move, and indeed Madonna's ex-husband, Sean Penn, said this: 'McCain makes Madonna look like a cross between Albert Einstein and his brother Groucho Einstein, and she makes McCain look like someone who could only win an IQ test against George W Bush or Ronald Reagan.'
But ominous words came from former Russian president Vladimir Putin. 'When we - I mean the Vietnamese - captured McCain, we brainwashed him into believing he was going to be the leader of the free world. Ha ha ha ha!! Everyone knows Americans would vote for a muscle-bound 50 year-old female dancer in fishnet tights before a man who is senile and has no grasp of politics or world affairs.'
Ronald Reagan was available for comment, as he'd been exhumed to stand for the traditional American Presidential impeachment soap opera, but before he was re-ex-exhumed he admitted: 'Maybe those Brits were right after all, I mean electing me or Bill Clinton, or even Barack Obama or (gulp) Hillary Clinton, makes the Queen seem like a sensible choice. Still, it's only taken us 232 years to work that one out, I reckon Madonna will make a great Republican candidate, just as soon as she dyes her hair and talks childish crap. Oops, I wasn't so dumb after all, was I?'
President Bush, the leader of the free comedy world, was unavailable for comment, but he still had this to say, although he needed an autocue to say it: 'Where's my medications, Laura?'
Satire is 4,000 years old soon, as is Madonna's facelift. Cup of tea, Mr Washington?