Written by Chuck Barber
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Topics: McDonalds, Parents

Tuesday, 25 May 2004

McDonalds Corporation announced Tuesday that they will begin offering Unhappy Meals in June. Aimed at parents of unruly or unpleasant children, the Unhappy Meals will feature undercooked meat patties, boiling hot cokes served in flimsy, un-insulated paper cups, cookies made from soap, and interesting looking toys which will break apart when touched, creating a powder which will make you sneeze and itch.

"For the first time," said McDonalds new CEO Frederick Winthrop, "parents who want to punish rather than reward their children will have a place to take them." Winthrop noted that parents who purchase the Unhappy Meals in June will be given free moist towelettes which are honey coated.

In addition to the Unhappy Meals, McDonalds plans to introduce new play-spaces -- called Unhappy Land -- featuring breakaway monkey bars over pits of soggy garbage and sewage sprays connected directly to the restaurant restrooms.

"For the parent who is fed up with whining and crying this will be the perfect solution." Winthrop closed by noting, "we'll offer a fire hose shower for the kids so they don't have to go home filthy. We care about these kids. We just want to help them grow up."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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