Phoenix, Arizona - In order to counter Barack Obama's tour of U.S. troops stationed in Afghanistan, Iraq, and his first official meeting with the leaders of England, France and Germany abroad, back stateside, boot camp McCain has announced today a political strategy in the works to sign on Czechoslovakia to the new missile defense system to be built in Europe. The only drawback being, McCain is having trouble contacting the former Eastern Block country.
Over the weekend, a very hospitable McCain invited members of the press over to his home in Phoenix, Arizona to witness firsthand his foreign policy in action.
"Hello, operator can you get me Czechoslovakia on the telephone line, please. Thank you," said McCain before the press pool that gathered around him while he sat in his favorite rocking chair making the long distance phone call himself, using a black old fashion Bell rotary dial telephone. "Tell them it's presumptive Republican presidential nominee, John McCain, calling what's that you say operator. They no longer exist. No. There must be some kind of mistake. Keep trying to reach them and call me back when you get a hold of them, okay? You can reach me at 55 Philadelphia. That's 55 Philadelphia."
McCain then slowly scooted his rocking chair toward members of the press pool in order to directly address them, as one of his campaign aides placed a glass of sugar water on a Victoria style table covered with white lace before placing a hand knitted quilt over his lap.
"Well, I guess they must have an unlisted number," joked McCain. "But seriously folks what you just witnessed here today is a sample of what the American people can come to expect from my presidency, if I'm elected. That's right, quick and decisive action."
McCain then nodded off to sleep momentarily, until a campaign aide lightly touched him on his hand.
"What? Where am I?" said a startled McCain. "Oh yeah did the operator call back yet? No. Okay. Well, I guess we'll just wait here until she does then. Anybody has to use the water closet [bathroom] because I sure do. First, somebody check if Senator Craig is in there. He makes me nervous. He's always standing too close to me when I'm trying to take a wiz."